Winds of Change

Friday, June 24, 2011
Secret War Journal[24 June 2011]
How Junior College has changed my life.

Today may will be officially my last day of playing computer games. Not that I can't (if studying for examinations is one reason) but rather I just simply lost the interest because of the stress from the examinations.

Ironic isn't it? Many perceive games as a form of relieving stress. Actually, it doesn't and it has been proven by studies.

I have, as a fellow doctor diagnosed himself, contracted Level 2 Boredom, known as existence boredom. It is not the usual boredom where you have nothing to do but rather having so many things to do, you start to feel it is meaningless to do any. Yes, this is now considered boredom.

Actually, I'm kind of glad this condition is called boredom. It felt as though I'm experiencing some mid-life crisis then.

Speaking of which, talk about the post-effects of Project Work in Junior Colleges and constant examinations, I have distanced myself from using computers. Now I use computers with a form of dread and also slowly but surely alienated myself from all forms of computer games (yes, including Facebook games, in fact that was actually very easy to quit altogether). Hahas, I always wondered aloud to my friends why can't they quit those facebook games. It was so easy for me. I didn't realise it then, I subconsciously stopped playing.

At this rate, people would hardly believe I was actually once the Chairman of a well-known Infocomm Club. I'm like avoiding gadgets like a plague. I respond slowly to my mobile phones now (slower than a few months back). I deliberately drain my phone's battery when I'm doing work too just so it can't distract me anymore.

Sometimes, my iPod discrupts my concentration but it is my last companion now. I feel a pang of sadness when I typed that.

What had education done to me. I feel as though Education is an deliberate policy by world governments to outcast people with excuse to different level of jobs. I mean, in the socially ideal world, everyone should be university graduates with Phd but that is Utopian.

Two more days before my examinations begin once more, my revision is not even anywhere near half-done. I can't really study. No motivation. Herein lies the problem - Existence Boredom. Ah, someone tell me the point of studying apart from the usual thing of going University. I need more feasible reasons! Argh!

Life in this century is truly sad. Educated but so life-less. Is that what we desire? Someone tell me.

"As I go through all kinds of feelings and experiences in my journey through life -- delight, surprise, chagrin, dismay -- I hold this question as a guiding light: 'What do I really need right now to be happy?' What I come to over and over again is that only qualities as vast and deep as love, connection and kindness will really make me happy in any sort of enduring way." - Sharon Salzberg

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