First Days of School

Secret War Journal[28/29 January 2009][Long Post]
--28 Jan 2009--
Well, today is a strange day...

For starters, I was almost late for school. *Shake head*

When the bus stop was in sight, I saw the bus that I was suppose to board leaving the bus stop. Ok...

It was 6:35.

From early to almost late. Awesome! Not.

Waited for like 20 minutes for that bus to re-appear.

Thought for sure I was going to be late on the first day of school. :p

Reached the school at 7+. Thank yer gods!
--
Oh, it turned out that I was on the same bus with Bao Lin, Clarissa, and Eunice. Wow, did not see them until I alighted.
--
That's when I realise...that I was at the back gate. (oh silly me)

And here's a problem I did not anticipate, the seniors only open one path for us, the hall.

And I told people to meet at General Office, which was at Main Gate. OMG!

Saw Jackie when I was starting to panic.
In the end, I still ran for the General Office. Bad me.

Met up with the rest.

First saw Jia Xin, Cheryl and Marcus. Marcus helped me checked my Admin Group(AG). Thanks!

We're all pretty much split up though. (as expected, so no harm here)

Turns out that I'm in the same group as Cheryl and Lai Yin. O.o
--
Mass talks about several stuffs.

Talks about:

1. A Levels
2. Subject Talks (which wasn't of much help since they allocated little time for each subject and there was a time constraint)(at the end, we're all restless from sitting in the hall for so long)
3. Course Registration
4. University Talks (I was assigned to attend the NTU Talk)

--

Dilemma

About course registration, I was having trouble deciding between H2 Economics, H1 Economics, H1 History.

My other subjects were decided:

1. Physics H2
2. Chemistry H2
3. Maths H2
4. General Paper H1
5. Project Work H1
6. Mother Tongue Language H1 (I don't want this!)

Decided to consult my parents about this(rare). The Pros and Cons seems to balance each other. Whatever happened to clear choices?

Guess it's just what I deserves for helping so many people pray that we all enter the same school...

Cynthia is going to have operation tomorrow, will return two weeks later. Wish her Fast Recovery.

---

Notice that I skipped a hell lot of details for these two days. I apologise but I currently have some personal problems on my side. Some troubling visions appeared before me and given past records, they have a tendency to come true(which for this case I hope not)
I don't wish to discuss what visions because I don't want them to become self-fulfilling.

I mean, if it really happened, I won't be able to forgive myself. Because God have given me prior knowledge, given me several hints and warnings but I did nothing.

Maybe that's why I'm weak, I want to be naive. I just pray that things would sort themselves out even though I know that it probably well never.
I'm an idiot, imbecile, moron.

So many things I turned a blind eye, wishing(willing it) it to be something else.

Delusions, yes, I live in delusions.
So many things I could have done to change my future(in a good way) but I just never got the courage to do so. The PSLE Incident was a good one...

I hope MJC would be the right choice for me. Thinking back now, TJC may not be suited for me because I took too much time to reach there.

But even MJC is sorta far. But that's already one of the nearest available here. :o

So what are those visions trying to tell me? What am I trying to tell myself? I wish I knew..

By the way, I decided to pursue for 4H2 subjects which would be very demanding. I wish I will not regret. I cannot afford to. I came so far to fulfil one of my promises, I just can't be beaten down at the crucial moment.

Must not.

How am I going to face myself in the future if I waver at studies? (My main driving force for studies at work here... - -Guilt)

Maybe that's why the visions came. Threaten to make me more guilty of myself to study harder.

But isn't that too heavy a price to pay?
Isn't two(both dear to me, one that would forever be the one dearest to me) death enough to create boundless guilt and regret in my mind?

Must you add another? Aren't you afraid I would sink so deep that I would never snap out of depression and just give up on studying?

Or is that your work, Satan? If it is, I will do everything to prevent it.
Visions can be averted, that I'm sure. But you have chose a strong case, to avert that would be beyond me, (and normal humans for that matter)

God help me...

Truths and lies would be my undoing, I guess. Such is the path of Destruction, there is no other outcome. Maybe I should distance from everyone else so I will never feel the pain of losing another person I knew.
Good idea, just that being human, I would also die from the social isolation.

"One who trust everyone is a fool. One who trust no one is a fool"

So true. Yet I'm still  a fool. It's all boils down what you meant by "Trust". If I don't even trust myself, how do you expect to trust someone else? Well, maybe that's possible.

But I rather lie or feign ignorance to bury the truth forever.

The Guilt of spending so few time with my love ones will always be ingrained into me...Amen

(So sorry for this sort-of mood dampening Section here :S)

---

29 January 2009
Today, I woke up earlier than the first day and took one bus earlier than yesterday.

And surprise, surprise, the passengers from yesterday all came earlier today. The same me, a girl, and a woman took this earlier bus. Jesus.

Once again, the bus got as crowded. LOL.

And surprise! Siew Yan, Bao Lin, Eunice, Clarissa were on the same bus. (again. LOL. Did everyone read my mind to take the earlier bus? Hahas)
--
Cut things short, we learnt two dances today.

First One

Second One

--
Met a great deal of friends today and attended this Talent Management Unit Talk. O.o

Alright, that's pretty much it. See ya

---

Jia Xin is no longer going to be in Meridian but TJC. Congrats to her! :)

Some part of me wish I could enter TJC too but oh well...