2017: A Learning Journey

Secret War Journal[31 December 2017]
It is amazing how fast time passes when you are occupied with things to do. One moment, you are setting goals for the year 2017, and poof, I am now writing a post to conclude the year 2017. Wow.

Despite how fast one may feel time may have passed, it is undeniable that this year is as eventful as 2016, if not more.

For 2017, I would say the lesson to take away will be

Know what you want, strive for what you want.

This is especially important as I enter my final year in NTU. With graduation near the corner, I am sure many of my peers will be also be thinking what they want to do after graduation.

I remember when I first decided to take on the double degree programme in NTU, my initial aspiration was to work in a bank. After the first semester, that narrowed to an Investment Bank. Since then, my aspirations have since changed to being in a tech firm. I will talk more about that in details but first...

---

I would like you to introduce someone important to me to you all. For most of you, this is pretty old news already.

Ta-da! A sheep enjoying his unicorn float!

Okay, I kid. I meant my girlfriend, Joan. :)

That's her natural state - sleeping. HAHAHAS! :p

She is probably the best thing that happened to me for the last 1 year. I found a life companion to my rants and random angst. (Oops)

*Psst don't tell her that or else she runs away* o.O

consolativus

Secret War Journal[8 October 2017]

Through our struggles do we realise that I have some awesome friends. Thank you for supporting me when I'm in need of it :)

---

"Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness." - Euripides

The unseen devil

Secret War Journal[2 June 2017]
Some years back, I thought them angels. 3 years in, wizened, I am not so sure anymore.

It is said, that when one is driven into a corner, one's real self will surface.
It is also said, when one gains power, one will show his true self.

Over the years, I had borne witness to this. The subtle body languages in the beginning which I shrug off as natural, the various underlying tones.

Some can hide it well, some not as well as others. Now that their intentions are laid bare, are they still angels?

Likely not.

---

"Every man must do two things alone; he must do his own believing and his own dying." - Martin Luther

How Each MBTI type reacts to stress

Secret War Journal[2 November 2016]

ISTJ – THE INSPECTOR

What Stresses out an ISTJ:
– Being in an environment that is in disarray
– Looming deadlines
– Being forced or asked to do things that don’t make sense to them
– Being asked to do something without a plan or direction
– Frequent change
– Having to innovate without any past experience to rely on
– Being asked to do something spontaneously
– Too much extraversion (excess people contact)
– Emotionally charged situations
– Unfamiliar surroundings
– Dealing too long with abstract or theoretical concepts.

When faced with stress overload, ISTJs may fall into “catastrophe mode”, where they see nothing but all the potential of what could go wrong. They may beat themselves up; berating themselves for things which could have been done differently, or duties which they failed to perform. They will lose their ability to see things calmly and reasonably, and can become depressed at what they see as a bleak future. Under chronic stress, the ISTJ may fall into the grip of their inferior function, extroverted intuition, and become a “dramatizer”. They may become intensely angry, rigid in what they’re doing, outwardly critical, pessimistic, and embrace an overwhelming fear of the future.

How to help an ISTJ experiencing stress:
– Give them plenty of space.
– Listen, and provide provable affirmation of how they’ve overcome or done something well in the past.
– Break a task down into manageable pieces.
– Do not give generalized compliments.
– Put things that have to be done in sequential order.
– Don’t brainstorm. If they are in the grip of their inferior function, extroverted intuition, brainstorming will only make things worse.
– Don’t give them more to do. Give them a break from responsibilities if possible.
– Take them seriously. Don’t patronize or judge them.
– Encourage them to exercise (without sounding insulting).

INTJ – THE MASTERMIND

What stresses out an INTJ:
–Being in an environment that doesn’t appreciate their skills, visions, or ideas.
– Not enough alone time. Too much extraverting.
– Too much noise or sensory input.
– Working with those they see as lazy, incompetent, or ignorant.
– Having to pay attention to too many details at once.
– Being in unfamiliar environments.
– Having their well-settled plans disrupted.
– Too much focus on the here-and-now.
– Not being able to use their intuition to envision the future.

When in a state of stress, the INTJ can feel an immense amount of pressure – as if everything is on the line. To an INTJ, this often means the ability to produce something significant is somehow stifled. They may find themselves overwhelmed, and thinking about ideas and options that don’t have a productive end. As stress increases, the INTJ can become argumentative and disagreeable. Social interaction becomes increasingly difficult; and they may become preoccupied with obsessive ideas and plans. They may start to spend a massive amount of time fighting horrible thoughts, and feelings of worthlessness. They will ruminate about their mistakes, inadequacies and weaknesses, and stop progress on a project for fear of failure. In a case of chronic stress, the INTJ may fall into the grip of their inferior function; extraverted sensing. When this happens, they may give into self-destructive indulgences, like over-eating, over-exercising, alcoholism, or buying lots of useless items. They may obsessively clean or re-organize files.

How to help an INTJ experiencing stress:– Give them space, and time alone to process their thoughts and feelings.
– Reduce sensory stimulation like noise, TV, radio, or bright lights.
– Let them express their thoughts and feelings without judgment. Understand that they may be irrational.
– Don’t give them advice. This will only make them feel worse.
– Give them a break from responsibilities.
– Encourage them to get enough sleep at night.
– Help them lighten their schedule, or cancel unnecessary activities.
– After some time of solitude, encourage them to get a change of scenery by going outdoors.

More @ http://psychologyjunkie.com/2015/08/02/how-each-mbti-type-reacts-to-stress-and-how-to-help/

2015: migremus

Secret War Journal[2015]
It is without doubt that 2015 is another event packed year for all of us. Now that the dust from the year 2015 is pretty much settled, it is once again a time for reflecting what went right and wrong during this amazing year.

I originally planned to start off writing down the highlights of this year but I decided to scrap this idea in the end. It was partly due to the fact that the more I looked at them, it feels less of a highlight to me. (I only have myself to blame for that! Hahas!)

As a result, I decided to scrap the traditional post style for the year's wrap-up (let's hope it will not become a trend).

Glazing at the snow globe...

That aside, I would say that taking into account everything that had occurred, it is a year into adulthood.

They never said being an adult means being independent. Quite the opposite actually. This year, it feels that being an adult means appearing strong and unfaltering while feeling insecure within. Adults are still humans after all. We all have our vulnerable sides but we choose not to show it in front of others.

(I guess all those deep talks with my father did have some effort on me huh?)

Which leads us to the main reason why this post required a total re-write - it is hard to judge whether something is a good or bad thing.

Is it a bad thing that certain individuals cease to maintain contact with you? Should we be upset about it? Does the fault lie with us? Does the fault lie with them?

If it is us, then we should work on improving ourselves.

Then turn it around...

However, sometimes, we have to acknowledge that we cannot please everyone. We win some, we lose some.

As funny as it sound, it may be a good thing if the situation was toxic to start with. Again, this is a matter of judgement from both sides.

And back to watch it settle

One year is too short a time to judge. As a result, there is difficulty in determining whether it was for the better or for worse.

Only time will tell.

Or will it?

---

So there isn't a highlight of what happened this year. Sorry about that. Hopefully, we get to see it in the year 2016!

---

Image Credits: Please click on the image for the source. :)

Dark Tidings Deux

Secret War Journal[6 December 2015]
To be frank, I am not sure if I should publish this post. After all, we did agree not to write about this as part of a new year resolution some time back. But hey, we should also record our struggles as this is about life and life is not just about the bright stuffs. Yep, don't worry, I am still minimising the proportions of it. Your feedbacks have been taken note of. No worries. (Well, I might never ever publish it, like the other posts. Haha. *Shrugs*)

I just came back from a family errand. It has been a long time since I put my thoughts straight into writing immediately upon the occurrence of an event but I figure this demands it for my own sanity. As well as recording our struggles and how we had survived, of course.

There are many things that cannot be described with words. I expected something of this nature but I had just witnessed my father being reprimanded by my grandmother in front of me. I can tell my father was expecting it too, he tried to joke to me that he was scolded by his mother. Yet, I can feel the pain from him. Personally, I am feeling horrible inside as well. Perhaps it was resignation or just us coming to terms, one thing will likely come apparent to us in the future. This will make my father, my sister and I closer.

I have to admit. It is probably a mistake committed in the past. It is not entirely anyone's fault. If people wanted to blame anyone, I guess we all are partly to blame. We, each in our inaction, allowed it to happen. Funny though, how it all sounds when you look at the sidelines. I think some people are wondering how things even get to this state. It is really hard to explain at times. I myself have no idea how to explain to people because I do not want people to be concerned.

Ultimately though, it is how my father sacrificed his pride for the welfare of his children that is worth mention. He has to bear through all the judgement of others. It is definitely not easy.

Well, let's all hope for better days ahead. :)

"The love of family and the admiration of friends is much more important than wealth and privilege." - Charles Kuralt

Symptoms of Pain

Secret War Journal[7 June 2015]
I do not usually bite my own fingers.

I only do that when I am in physical pain.

God had taught me
Pain,
Patience,
Perseverance, and
Hardship

Secret Language of Birthday

Secret War Journal[25 January 2015]
Link: http://www.thesecretlanguage.com/report/personology/

I was just being informed by Stephanie about this page and decided share with you all.

In Summary:

Traits of this day...

PERSUASIVE
PHYSICAL
SPATIALLY AWARE
UNAPPROACHABLE
INDULGENT
IMPATIENT

Meditation...

Respect those you meet on the way

Health...

Due to their physical and sensuous nature, June 17 people must guard against addictions of all sorts, whether to alcohol, unhealthy food, tobacco or anything else that brings pleasure (even relationships and sex). Those born on this day must cultivate willpower, which may be firm when commanding others or pursuing goals, but weak or non-existent when controlling personal desires. The problem is often that June 17 people don’t fully grasp how serious such addictions are for their physical and mental health, or they just don’t care. The stabilizing influences of a regular diet and moderate exercise go a long way in reducing such cravings, as many now believe addictions are not only a cause, but a result of chemical imbalances.

Personality of this day...

June 17 people take what they do seriously. No matter how relaxed or comfortable they may appear to others, they are intent on reaching their goals and being responsible family members and friends. They can give the impression of having their life pretty well figured out. Unfortunately, while the demands they place on themselves are high they are also likely to lay a heavy burden on those close to them. If they have outright followers or employees, they can be extremely moral, stern and demanding of obedience to their wishes.

June 17 people are facile in thought and action, and consequently somewhat impatient with those who work with them. Normally, those born on this day are not good teachers and lack the necessary patience and understanding to explain to the apprentice or student. It is even more difficult for June 17 people to stand idly by while a job is bungled. In the bat of an eye they have probably already done it by themselves.

Those born on this day can be extremely persuasive in their arguments. They are also adept at applying pressure, whether sensual or forceful, in getting others to do their bidding. Highly talented or successful June 17 people tend to be influential in their area of endeavor, even after they have retired from the fray.

Usually a strong physical as well as mental presence is characteristic of those born on this day; emotional and intuitive capacities can be somewhat lacking, however. June 17 people may be hard, perhaps nearly impossible to reach on a deep feeling level. Many born on this day are alternately mistrusting and impulsive. Because they can so easily exchange a mature, responsible attitude for a petulant, childish one (usually when they don’t get their way), they promote mistrust.

June 17 people make fine planners, designers, and travelers, as most have an innate sense of direction and understanding of spatial realities. In rare cases, they are so advanced in this area, their methods so unique, that they may sometimes seem to lack sense for not going the easy route. Usually their logic becomes clear to others after such methods have proven correct.

June 17 people have been known to stretch a story a bit, even to tell some mighty tall tales in order to get their way. In addition, some born on this day get a real kick out of deceiving others. This may be harmless play, but like any game must be kept light and under control. Those born on June 17 should avoid gambling: though they may be clever, highly adept players they are still vulnerable to loss and being drawn into unscrupulous activities. Indeed, less highly evolved June 17 people make excellent con-artists. Whatever their moral character, however, those born on this day seem to have no trouble attracting followers to their cause, whether public or private.

More on http://www.thesecretlanguage.com/report/personology/?r=19930617

Personal BaZi

Secret War Journal[3 January 2015][For Personal Use Only]

Courtesy of http://bazi-calculator.com/

2014: paenitentia et destitutione

Secret War Journal[2014]
It had been a long year. Yet at the same time, it had been a rather short year. Contradicting, yes. Perhaps, that sentence itself describes how this year had been.

At the end of the day, the year balanced out to be somewhat average though that is only on the surface. On closer inspection, there were many negative thoughts throughout the year (yes, even now, evidently, by the theme of this year)

---

paenitentia

Unfortunately, there were many. The very first was probably the fact that I failed on one of my main goal for the entire 2014.^[1][2] I must admit that I was severely distracted by many things. It is not anyone else's fault but mine. For I had allowed my will to waver and derailed from my goals. Money that was meant for other goals were diverted to activities on impulse. That generated a great amount of unnecessary spending.

Another aspect which should not be discussed in great detail but mentioned just in passing for memory's sake. We must always remember that this journal has since been made public.

Sometimes I question my decision to study here. Just sometimes.After all, most of my friends are in NUS. I have few connections in NTU. Yes, it is an opportunity to expand my social network greatly but it would had been a lot easier to meet new people through a mutual friend instead. Nevertheless, I had made my decision. I shall stand firm. Of course, there is an added reason of my closest friends being there...

Some people asks if I miss being in my old home [See here for context]. Occasionally, I do. However, for the most part, I really appreciate the kindness from my best friend's family. If not for them, I really am not sure where I would be today. For that, I have no regrets. On the hand, I do feel a certain level of guilt towards them. After all, I feel that I am being a burden to them, a burden that should not had been imposed on them... For that, I regretted that I could not contribute much. Here, I wished I learned more skills during the past few years, just so that I am more useful.

---

"I made decisions that I regret, and I took them as learning experiences... I'm human, not perfect, like anybody else." - Queen Latifah

---

destitutione

Towards the second half of the year, I began to really question the company of friends I am with. I guess it is to be expected as you grow older. You start to wonder if some of your friends are the source of your negative energy and consider going out of your comfort zone to meet people who energise you and nurture you into a better person.

Of course, part of being friends means accepting their flaws. Again, as was said above, I would expect them to accept my flaws as well. If they look down on you for trivial reasons, one naturally starts to look elsewhere there is a more nurturing community.
Disappointment is to be expected. Then again, I simply made too high expectations of them. Ever my flaw. I must always remember that few humans are worthy. As we had often discussed, the new generations are truly pitiful. It is hard for them to make genuine friends because most of them are hypocrites. If you cannot raise their social status, they would not want to be your friends. "Friends" in this age has become mere tools for climbing the social ladder. I wonder what does that make of acquaintance now? Food for thought. :) I can understand that for my current age because most of us are no longer concerned about making meaningful friends but instead trying to be successful. But at primary school? Now that is just sad.
I wonder how the future would be like, if that's the case...

My mood generally this year was not exactly great as well. That is yet another disappointment. While I am proud that I had achieved many goals this year. The fact remains that it all came at a great cost. It was a year of many mistakes, much compromise, much pressure. I lived a year of stress. All the achievements and victories were hard earned. None came easy and without blood and sweat. It may sound nice at the end of the day but it was very tiring, mentally draining.
Yes, it would had brought smiles at the end of the day but much would remain unseen and therefore unappreciated. If only I had more time to hone them, more focused on my task given to me. If only...

All these are just wistful wishing. Faced with the facts, the years ahead will no doubt be tough but in no way not rewarding. I am assailed by many sides but I believe that if I play my cards right, I have a chance in coming out ahead. Ahead. Ahead of those hypocrites and imbeciles.

---

"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

---

Looking ahead

For all its ups and downs, 2014 is coming to a close. Be it that we are glad or sad, 2015 is coming straight at us.

[See post here]

2014 saw 6 out of 9 of my goals completed. Not a very nice score but satisfactory nevertheless. Some of the goals I might be actually secretly glad that I did not fulfill. One example would be the goal to go overseas this year. Looking at the number of aviation disasters this year. It might not had been a bad idea to give this year's overseas plan a miss. (That said, it should be still safe to travel since they had since beefed up the safety measures.) Looking forward, some of the goals would appear in the 2015 goals again. (I apologise, the 2015 goals is behind schedule and therefore not out yet. I would try to publish it as soon as possible on New Year Day)

Hopefully, I get to see many more people smiling by the end of 2015. :)

Until then, with 2 more minutes left for 2014, I wish you all a merry new year!

Credits: http://creativemisha.com/

A New Term, A New World

Secret War Journal[16 August 2014]
I originally wanted to publish this post last week but wow, school really takes up a great amount of time these days. (I am taking time off from my studies to write this. xD)

First off, I am saddened to note that summer vacation had ended. It had only been one week of school but I had missed my freedom solely. (Nevertheless, school had been fun thus far.)  I would not say that I had wasted my time during my summer vacation. I learnt a lot during my short time in my part-time job, IRAS.

Link: Summer Vacation Wishlist

Score: 7/8

This is probably my best performance ever. Wohoo! I guess this could mean that 1) I am better at setting goals; 2) I am better at accomplishing my goals.

Ironically, the only goal I could not fulfil was my very first goal I had set for myself - Learning Driving. I guess it shows how easily I derail from my goals. (Dang) The main reason why I did not start on this goal is due to the fact that I sort of spent the funds allocated for driving to learning a 3rd language - Japanese. While I did learn a lot of interesting things from that, I felt a bit of unachieved since I did not manage to start on driving. Of course, many would argue that the skill of driving is much more useful than a third language but that is, of course, debatable. To be frank, I felt a pang of regret. The reason being was that the summer vacation was not long enough for me to attend a full semester on the basics of Japanese. I was only able to complete two-thirds of the curriculum of basic Japanese. That did not qualify me to take the examinations for basic Japanese.

In short, it means, it can be said I wasted money for learning how to drive with an half-assed effort to learn Japanese. Go ahead, call me an idiot. Haiz.
--
Entering new grounds: NTU
It is now August 16. Most of the orientations have ended.
[Link: SCE Orientation Camp]
Apart from SCE Orientation camp, I have also met my coursemates through the various orientations organised by the Schools.

What set these orientations apart from the others, especially the first, was that instead of remembering each other names, we ended up remembering everyone by their chosen alias.

Now, how did that happen? On the first orientation, since everyone was arriving in waves, the Orientation Group Leader (OGL) had decided to let us play a name game with a twist, using alias just like online avatars. Thus, we needed to remember each other's alias (Useless information but funny nevertheless) Some examples include "Table" & "Chair" and "Tampines".

As it turned out, since our cohort size for the course is quite small, all the other orientation groups for our course were largely the same. Hence, on the second orientation, we pretended to not know each other and played along with the name games with the OGLs. The introduction was especially interesting as we introduced ourselves as a student pursuing the course BCG in succession. This went on so well that the OGLs actually thought it was a prank. (Do note that normally, students in a orientation groups have similar courses but it is extremely rare to see a majority of students having the exact course in a orientation group.) It took a lot of effort to keep a straight face. Hahas.

Over time, we finally got to know each other's time. (It was no mean feat to me. So many names, dear Lord)

1. Anirudh - Boundless. Hindi & Sanskrit Origin.
2. Andy - Brave. Literal meaning of "man warrior". Etruscan origin.
3. Bryant - Strong. Celtic meaning.
4. Claudine - Lame. French and Latin Origin. (Wow, never knew a name could mean that. Same for Claude. Claudication means limping in Latin, it is a medical term. Now you know.)
5. Jason - Healer. Greek origin.
6. Jeffrey - Multiple origins and meaning, mostly similar. Teutonic & American - God's Peace. Anglo-saxon - Peaceful gift. French - Divine Peace. English and German - District, Traveller, peaceful pledge 
7. Pauline - Little. Latin Origin.
8. Raymond - Wise Protector. Literal meaning of "Guards wisely" French Origin.
9. Desmond - Gracious Defender.
10. Joel - He that wills or commands. Hebrew origin.

Names with non-english names are exempted. As usual, I am not interested in those. There are some interesting one and some that really breaks what I thought was the norm for names. Let's see where we get to with this class. :)

---

"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future." - John F. Kennedy

My Journey to the East

Secret War Journal[March 2013]
A lot has happened. I cannot deny that.

Before I begin my account of how I reached my destination in the east, perhaps a little retelling of the events prior to this would be beneficial. (Partly also because I am aware that this post is being published before my wrapping up of my end of army days.)

A little-known fact that my father probably wants to hide

And he probably would not like the idea that I leak it out. However, everybody eventually will know. Yes, he probably wants to be the one telling it so I can understand. But I have to say it. (Apart from a nagging feeling that I should, from a suspicion,) I need to say or this entire post would be difficult to explain. That means the reader (yes, even the future me.) would have trouble understanding the motivation behind this whole saga.

So what is all this fuss about? Well, to be blunt. My family is in financial trouble. In my opinion, it begun with the whole borrowing of money to play in stocks. At first, it was all good. Some time this year (to my knowledge, at least, it happened. Bear in mind that I spent more time in an army camp than at home.), the market went downhill, along with the shares that my family bought. That meant that we instantaneously lost a large amount of money. Given the conditions of the loans, such a loss was a very big problem. Apparently, my family was reaching a point where we are having issues resuming our daily life activities. From the sound of it, it really seems serious. If I learnt anything from this crisis, it is to never borrow to invest in high risk activities.

Now that you understand the financial situation of my family. Put it to the back of your mind. Know the reason but remember that there is no need to spread it. Moving on, with the additional financial stress, it added to, or worsened, the saga of the room rental scare last year.

It was first and foremost, a Journey to the West

For those knew of the room rental saga, I think you would understand the need for me to vacate my room to put it up for rent. Yet, as many had asked me too, the idea of moving out to rent out your room seems counter-productive. Indeed, it is. (I would not trouble myself to defend something I do not quite understand myself). There are two schools of thought to justify this.

First, how this idea about renting out the room came about was literally moving out of the room, not out of the house. The concept then was to move my stuff and make the bomb shelter my new bedroom. (Still makes little sense, I know) Unsurprisingly, I was pissed at that notion. Thus, I made a scene last year. That saga resulted in my father, my sister and I living in our then-vacated condominium in an improvised manner for a period of time (3 days or more? I could not remember). What happened to that condominium later on is a story for another day.

Secondly, to be blunt, my stepmother just could not stand living with strangers. Well, she is family with my father and half-brother but that is it. Her inability in controlling her child did not help matters as she pushes the blame to my sister and I. Of course, no one will outright point out that this is the case but we should bear in mind that could had been the case. (In fact, such a scenario is not as far-fetched as you think. If you go around reading support groups for stepmothers, you would realise that most of them are really uncomfortable in living with children from previous marriage. They often felt that the children is an obstacle to their happiness in the current marriage and would prefer them to be away, out of sight.)

To reinforce the second idea, when the proposal to rent out my room resurfaced once more, it was suggested that I should move out. Naturally, my father was against it. After all, he wants us to live all under the same roof. However, with pressure from the financial problem and my stepmother (you have to give it to her, it is simply amazing how she can link every topic to renting the room out, wow), my father and I came to an consensus that moving out would be a better option for me. My father felt that the situation at home now is really not very conducive for studying and was afraid my studies would be adversely affected. Thus, I began my search for a room in the West, near my school.

Halls, Dorms, Flats

The very first option that came to mind was moving to the University Halls. Compared to other accommodation options, it is definitely one of the lowest. At around $220 per month, it is a rate that was hard to beat in Singapore. This explains why so many students choose to live in Halls, huh. (Okay, guess not) However, there was a problem. While the rates were definitely competitive, it is not readily available. As most prospective students would be aware, universities in Singapore only guarantees first-year undergraduates a room in Hall. To maintain the room from Year 2 onwards, you would have to accumulate sufficient points to be allocated one. Even so, it is not guaranteed that you would be allocated a room. In addition, the allocation window for my university is around June to July which is in 2 months' time. That would be too long as I asked my father to give me about one month to find accommodation. (Remember that we want to vacate the room as soon as possible to allow rental to commence as soon as possible)

With hall being out of question, at least until June, I set my sights on dorms. Unfortunately, that proved to be a problem as well. The rates for dorms were quite expensive. The cheapest I managed to find was slightly less than $300 and is shared by 4. The cost difference between a hall and dorm may seem little but when you take into account the duration which you would be studying, it is a huge amount. This amount proved to be unsustainable and I was forced to look for cheaper alternatives.

Many would find my next option being considered a queer one. Not many would consider a tenant to a rental flat to be a cheaper alternative than a dorm. After much research, I daresay you are correct. In my own defense, I was misled by my university's' website (it is not their fault, really) that the rental rates are competitively match against the rates of those of dorms. By this time, I would like to highlight that a close group of my friends knew of my predicament. One of them was Keller and he was interested in finding a rental flat in the West area. Keller really helped to get the ball rolling, finding rooms available for rent is exactly easy, especially when you are trying to avoid agent fees and sift out the good deals from the sea of advertisements on websites. We had a plan - if we secure a flat which could be co-habited by 5, the cost should be comparable to dorms. Of course, this plan is based on the rates estimated by the University's website (which is a rough guide so I shall reiterate, not their fault). Eventually, Meldon joined the fray. The notion of living in a rented flat was quickly disregarded after Meldon's uncle, who was an Estate agent, informed us that the average price of a reasonable size for 5 was not affordable.

Eastwards, the Wind blew

With all options seeming infeasible, God decided to help me a little. Remember me mentioning that a close group of friends knew of my situation earlier? Well, these group of people, namely Johnston, Marcus, Keller and Meldon, continued to extend their help to me even though I exhausted all the three options above. Johnston and Marcus explained my situation to their family and their family each offered me a place to reside in until I graduate.

I shall first tell you about the generosity of Marcus' family. I am not exactly sure about the details but one day, Marcus informed me that his grandfather lives in a flat. His family offered me to live with their grandfather if I was not able to find a viable place to live in. It was really heartening to hear it. I was really feeling teary when I heard Marcus telling me what his parents offered. Maybe some of you might feel otherwise but most people would not offer a hand to someone whom they never met before. In fact, they even invited me to live with their grandfather who is living alone, that is a lot of trust. Thus, I was really grateful for their offer.

Johnston also shared with his family about my situation. Similar to the reactions of Marcus's family, they too offered help. They were willing to free up a room to let me live with them until I graduate from university. His mother came to me while I was at Johnston's house and shared with me their plans if I were to move in. I was really heartened by their gesture. The very fact that they thought of a future with me included convinced me that I should accept their offer unless I found a better alternative.

To be frank, I never expect either of them to share this with their parents but I really appreciate their concern. In fact, I never expected the solution to my predicament to be as such. Thus, I am really thankful for their aid and concern.

Now the Dust Settles

A few weeks passed by and I had sinced moved into Johnston's house. At this moment, a select group of my friends and family members are aware of this situation. As I write on my laptop in my new room, I would like to thank everyone who supported me through this dark time. The decision to move was definitely not an easy one but it was necessary in more than one way. My old room had been rented out, according to my father so that is good news to my family. I hope my family will emerge from the crisis soon, my father has been working overtime to manage. For my side, I am using my savings to get by while working part time at the moment. I should be footing the bill of my tuition fees myself for university but I am not sure how to get the funds yet hahas. I am definitely working part time during the vacation, when able. However, I had not decided if I should work during my school term yet. I had heard that I would not have the time, given the rigours of my course.

I would like to apologise for taking so long to churn out this post. Packing, moving and unpacking took a great deal of time. Now the dust are starting to settle down so I should have more room to manage my time. :)

Hopefully this translates to me being able to write out posts at a faster rate. See you next time! :)

Past Blessings

Secret War Journal[12 May 2014]
I just visited my maternal grandparents recently. It had been a long time since I visited them and I think it really shows when they made a phone call during my lunch. My grandfather asked how I was doing now. Though his intention was good, I immediately felt guilty. I had been caught in my personal affairs that I had neglected taking time off to visit them. (Come on, we all know saying we do not have time is just an excuse)

Being a person easily guilt-tripped, I set aside time to meet up with them. Granted, I did not have time to arrange for my sister to join me (she was in the midst of an examination too) so it could be said that it was a hasty meet-up.

I really enjoyed dinner with them. As I grew older, my love for home cooked food just keeps growing hahas. I feel that it is increasingly difficult to enjoy food personally prepared by your love ones. That is why I really appreciate it when people prepares a meal. :)

Finally, my grandfather showed me something that is older than me. A company magazine from my mother's company. Here is an article covering my parents' marriage!

After reading it, it kinda overwhelmed me with emotions.

Sometimes, I wonder if the older generations is having a better time than us now... One will never know.

---

I am sorry for making you worry. I should be the one making the effort, not you. I am ashamed.

Illusions of Satisfaction

Secret War Journal[31 January 2014]
You know something is wrong when you are getting satisfied with life. I never thought I would ever thought to myself that 'I am satisfied'. Yet, this train of thought came to me while I was pondering about the new year today.

Now, some of you would probably be wondering why is being satisfied with your current life is such a bad thing. The logic behind it is actually very simple. Humans will always demand for a better quality of life. If you were to be satisfied with your current life, it would mean that you do not desire for a better quality of life. It implies that there is something wrong in the way you think.

More importantly, being dissatisfied with your current life drives improvement. When you feel that your life could change for the better, you work towards it. You hold expectations on how your life should be, and you would work towards it. It is actually akin to having a goal in what you want to achieve in life.

Thus, when I actually thought to myself that I was satisfied with my current life, (There is so many reasons not to!!!) it also hints that I had stopped being ambitious. That I had lost all hope in getting out of this predicament. That, is not a good thing. Resigning to fate would not change anything. 

As a result, for this new lunar year, it is time to be get depressed over improving my quality of life. It is time to get stressed from inaction. It is time to set my sights high once more. It is time, for once, to set my expectations higher instead of lower.

I had met many people who disappointed me but I had also met a great number of inspiring people. I must not forget that. I must not lose sight of those great people. I have to let go to those who are constantly pulling me down, convincing me to lower my expectations and stick to the status quo. I should instead interact more with people who believe that they have the power to change their fate.

Contentment is not bad. However, it breeds complacency. That is bad.

--

With that said, here's me wishing you a lunar happy new year! My chinese had not been great all these while so I went to learn a few idioms for today! ;)

祝你们

新年快乐，

马到成功，

龙马精神，

一马当先，

马不停蹄，

万马奔腾，

马年大吉。

2013: Year of the Disturbed

Secret War Journal[2013][Long Post][Updated on 8 February 2014]
2013 was a really bad year for an introvert like me.

I am not sure if this is true for all introverts but I am someone who needs some time alone. I do not need to be always alone but I do need some period of time to be totally alone. Normally, this is achieved by spending time at home. Just resting at home and 're-charge'.

At this point of writing, I am already on the verge of mental exhaustion. My mental processing power has decreased noticeably over the course of the year; my weariness visible to the observant. I no longer process the ability to reflect on my actions before I sleep, I lose consciousness too quick on the bed due to my fatigue.

I never mention this before but I really enjoyed the times when the rest of my family goes on an holiday, leaving me the only person living in the house for a short while. It is like a short holiday for me too. (Though it can become creepy at night. XD)

I guess I need to frequently do soul-searching and reflect to make myself content. (Strange is it not? I must be a sadist to love to criticise my every wrong decisions)

---

"I restore myself when I'm alone."- Marilyn Monroe

---

With this in mind, I hope you will understand why I find this year especially tough for me, mentally. You see, being in a military camp 5 out of 7 days is mentally punishing to a person like me. While it may appear that we can have our own personal space in the office or bunk, it is actually just an illusion. Within each cubicle in the office, we share with at least one colleague. This means there is almost no personal space in the office. In the bunk, the personal space around your bed is an illusion as well. Your area can be observed by anyone in the room and any conversation in the bunk of considerable volume can be heard, leaving you no peace.

While the situation depicted may not seem so bad, it actually frustrates me. Perhaps I am too used to having some personal time in the night, perhaps something subconsciously is disturbing me, I am not sure. To be clear, it is no one's fault. If it is anyone's, it is my own sanity.

Chances are, I would leave the place without understanding why I feel uneasy at moments. It matters not since I have only about 2 months left there. However, it brings into question if I should live in the dorm when I resume my studies. Hmm, food for thought.

---

"We fear violence less than our own feelings. Personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict." - Jim Morrison

---

Speaking of holidays, this December, my stepmother's family returned to their home town for the bulk of the month. What was scary was the fact that life was much more comfortable when they are not around. Particularly when she was not around. (I wonder what does this signify...)

I feel less pressured in the mornings (partly because there is no pressure to wake up before 9am. I do not understand why I must wake up earlier than them. If everyone wakes up at the same time, I am okay with it. However, what is this rule that my father, sister and I must wake up by 9am. How about the rest of them? "Oh, I felt tired so I decided to wake up later", why can I not use that excuse as well?)

In addition, there is more peace in the household. It is not very healthy to the mind when you hear shouting from her, especially when it is really unproductive. I mean, seriously... who shouts at someone at that poor boy who is trying to sleep to get him to sleep?!

Personally, I recovered some bits of my sanity during their vacation. For that, I am grateful.

(Pardon me for this outburst. I am intending to limit such occurrences to only once a year, including SNS. Therefore, this is my only avenue. Hahas. I am not going to let this opportunity slip by!)

---

Goals Scoresheet
Link: Year 2013 Goals
That aside, it is time for some self-evaluation!

The final score is 8/13. That amounts to around 61.5% Not a particularly good score. I totally failed in my aspect to renew my wardrobe. That would explain why I performed stellar results on the savings aspect.

I found that it is really hard to shop clothings alone. I prefer to shop with friends. However, the problem lies in the fact that I am in army. When I am free, they are not. And vice versa. It did not help that I was stuck in the camp when the discounts were in full effect. I think there is something seriously wrong with my army timetable. (It's a conspiracy, I swear!)

The scholarship aspect was an utter failure this year as noted by this post.
That said, the application window is open once more and I am once more faced with answering those essay questions. Each year made more tough partly because they are the same questions and my writing skills are ever more rusty with each passing year in the army. Fight on!

The goal to getting a driving license was actually not over-ambitious but rather a poor management of time by my part. I did not foresee that the later part of the year would be so packed to the point that I had to forgo learning driving to fulfil other pressing issues. Nevertheless, I should be embarking on this goal once more next year.

Regarding my learning of my C programming, I did not consider it to be achieved not because I did not attempt to study the topic. (As a matter of fact, I did) Rather, it was due to the fact that I only read those syntax rules in theory but did not try it hands-on. I would not consider that I learnt the basics if I had not done any practical work. Thus, it was left unachieved. Moving forward, I should have more time to learn more programming languages next year.

Finally, I decided to say I achieved the goal of being more decisive. I would not say I am now very decisive but definitely more than the me last year. Again, this is very subjective but I believe it is right to say it had been achieved.

---

"Few things in the world are more powerful than a positive push. A smile. A world of optimism and hope. A 'you can do it' when things are tough."- Richard M. DeVos

---

After the Bad, comes the Good
In a blink of an eye, the year 2013 draws to a close. I really meant it. I am quite amazed that the year is already ending. There is still so much to be done (as seen evidently by my Wishlist, hahas).

Looking back, after casting aside all the mental stress I experienced throughout the year (I almost feel numb to low levels of it already), I am surprised that I had actually went through some great moments this year as well.

This year I visited the USS for the first time. (Again, I need to check why is the post made private)

This year I visited the Gardens by the Bay for the first time.

This year I attended numerous conventions and live performances - STGCC 2013, AFA SG 13, On Wings of Love, Persona by EML. (Update: I am dropping coverage of On Wings of Love until further notice.)

Saw some funny exchanges that my friends and I made earlier this year. I had no idea it was made this year. My memory is really that bad huh? No wonder, I felt the need to record them then.

Though I spent most of my weekends hanging out with only a couple of groups of friends, I rather it to be this way. I prefer close friends than hi-bye friends any other day. Hopefully, I have more time to spend time with them next year! ^^

With that, I hope Year 2014 would be better than this year!

---

"Positive feelings come from being honest about yourself and accepting your personality, and physical characteristics, warts and all; and, from belonging to a family that accepts you without question." - Willard Scott

---

Introversion

Secret War Journal[18 October 2013]

As someone who works with people all the time, you’d think I’d be an extrovert. I’m friendly. I’m not shy. But when I get close to my “people time” limit, it’s time to shut down, be quiet and hole up with a good book. I love helping people, but there’s a huge reason that I balance that type of work with work where I get to be quiet and dive in to working with words instead of being bombarded with interaction.

It’s because—although I don’t fall into some of the old stereotypes—I’m an introvert.

I spent years feeling guilty if I wanted to spend time alone instead of doing things with friends. I learned to make the best of it, and often pushed myself to be social—even when it felt exhausting. Many people do this, as extroversion tends to be prized in our society, while introversion is seen as a “second-class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology.” It is none of those things. It’s the way an estimated two-thirds to one-half of us are wired, and it can be our greatest asset.

As I mentioned, being introverted isn’t the same thing as being shy (though there’s nothing wrong with being shy either). Many shy people are also introverted, but one doesn’t really have much to do with the other. The best explanation I was ever given (and maybe one of the biggest “aha!” moments of my adult life) was that while extroverts are energized by connecting and spending time with others, introverts need inward-focused, alone time to recharge.

Being introverted has nothing to do with lack of confidence. Many confident people are introverted, and gather their strength from the time they spend alone rather than from the input of others. In some ways, I believe that the ability to enjoy being by yourself says a great deal about your confidence.
It isn’t that introverts don’t like social time—it’s that for us, social time is giving out energy rather than receiving energy.

A lot of us fall somewhere in the middle between the two, and some interactions take more out of people than others.

A few things to consider if someone you care about falls more on the introverted end of the spectrum:

1. Think of each of us as having a cup of energy available.

For introverts, most social interactions take a little out of that cup instead of filling it the way it does for extroverts. Most of us like it. We’re happy to give and love to see you. When the cup is empty, though, we need some time to refuel. We aren’t mad. We don’t stop caring about you. We’ll be so happy to see you and talk to you again when we’ve had some time to decompress.

2. Silence isn’t a bad thing.

Really. It’s not an insult. It’s the introvert’s way of conserving energy and restoring him or herself. If we can be quiet with you (and you can be content being quiet with us) it’s a huge compliment and a huge relief. Other times the quiet really does need to be spent alone. We come back when we’re ready. It’s worth the wait.

3. Just because someone is friendly, she isn’t necessarily an extrovert; just because someone is quiet doesn’t mean he’s an introvert.

If you pay attention to people you care about, often you can see what energizes them and what drains them. If you aren’t sure, ask. If you notice a friend seems wiped out, ask if spending time together sounds like fun or if they’d like some down time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve become almost giddy because plans were cancelled—even with people I love. When you know someone needs some space in order to re-energize, be respectful and give it to them. It isn’t rejection.

4. Text. Write letters. Email. We love it.

There are times that you can’t beat a face to face conversation, I’d agree 100%. But for introverts, sometimes being able to stay connected and stay in touch in a less intense and less draining way is a huge help. Being in crowds is tough. Even long conversations can be tough if we’re already “peopled out.” Having the freedom to respond when we are ready is a great feeling. Sometimes, it’s right away. If it’s not, don’t be offended. (It’s not you…it’s me. Really!)

5. All of this really comes down to respect.

Each of us has our own set of boundaries, our own way of communicating and our own needs. When you care about someone, you choose to communicate with him or her in ways that show you love and respect them. If your cup is filled by lots of interaction with others, go for it! Be in tune with your own needs, and enjoy the way that time with others energizes you. If someone you love is an introvert, and needs time to him or herself, tune into and respect that as well. We don’t do activities alone because we are sad, or negative or depressed; we do it because that’s what fills our cup back up. We’ll be even happier to see you when we come back.
One of the best things I’ve read on the subject was the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts by Susan Cain. The shorter 12-question quiz on her site can give you some good insights into your own personal introversion or extroversion that bypasses some of those long held stereotypes (P.S. I’m 12 for 12).

-  By Kate Bartolotta

---

Source: Thought Catalog

What becoming adult means

Secret War Journal[17 June 2013]
First and foremost, I would like thank all those who remembered my birthday.

It is so bright outside. I am jealous.

I am so glad that I was allowed to take leave for the week which my birthday falls on.

As I had mentioned many times already, June is not a happy month for me (mostly). I am not going to say out why here. Perhaps I had mentioned it some years back but I have no intention to repeat it. Sorry.

Although it is the holiday season now, I was informed of my leave a little late. Not many people could take leave today. I would be a little bit heartless if I said I do not feel a little bit sad. Then again, it could be just me being more emotional and sensitive during this period of time. Not to mention that my anger is almost left unchecked during this period. While I try to be calm, I need a month to berserk for a while so as to maintain my sanity for the next one year.

After all, the trend had been that the world turns against me during the month of June. 

My armour is like paper, do not kill me please.

A lot of bad stuff had happened this month, not surprisingly. I am not planning to write those events down either (no point making everyone depressed over stuff to which we have no control over, huh?) and I think it is better to forget such things even occurred in the first place. :P

---

Best Friend's Home is Home
What better than being able to visit my best friend's house after so long? I miss the times when I could stayover for a week at Johnston's house. Come the present, I am now in army and he is University. Even if he is free, most of the time, I am too preoccupied with work to be able to set aside days to stayover. Thus, I was actually glad that I managed to get this time to do some house visit.

There, I spent the whole morning at the dining table just chatting with him. It really brings back memories of the past where we simply sat in the canteen after school, talking until the early evening.

As the saying goes, time passes when you are having fun. Before long, it is lunch time. Emelia had woken up and joined us for lunch. After lunch, we went up to the computer room, as so to not disturb Emelia who was studying at the dining table. (After a moment, she started to comment that we were avoiding her, which is of course not true. Hahas!)

As unexpected as it was, we ended up playing Dragon Nest in the computer room. One reason was because the controllers for Xbox and Wii ran out of battery so we could not play them. To make things interesting and refreshing for us, we tried each other's characters in the game.

Admittedly, it was my first time trying out the Warrior class in the game. Boy, the playing style for warrior is really different. It was contrast to my archer attacking from far away, away from enemy fire. The first few runs as a warrior was rather chaotic. I found that, as a warrior, you would spam the left mouse button quite badly. Hmm....

Another class I got to try was the Kali class. Similar to the warrior in the sense that she is also a melee class character, using her requires more hit-and-run tactics.

---

Tarots
Before I end off this post, I also would like to thank the following people for gifting me these presents> :)

• Keller - Tarot Card Deck
  
  
• Johnston - Razer Mouse (Using now! :)

• Emelia - Shirt (Thank you! I like it!)
• Marcus - Phone Accessory with my Korean Name and Artillery Badge

• Lera - Notebook (Unexpected, I must say)

---

"Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor." - Sholom Aleichem

Humanmetrics Jung Typology Test™

Secret War Journal[1 March 2013][Long Post]
It has been a long time since I took this personality test and I was told to re-take it after a period of time as humans change. :)

Take the Quiz here!

---

-->Personality Type Explained<--

---

Here are my results! (And I am proud to say my personality is still largely unchanged. :)
--
INTJ

Introvert(56%) iNtuitive(75%) Thinking(50%) Judging(56%)

You have moderate preference of Introversion over Extraversion (56%)
You have distinctive preference of Intuition over Sensing (75%)
You have moderate preference of Thinking over Feeling (50%)
You have moderate preference of Judging over Perceiving (56%)

---

Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
by Marina Margaret Heiss

Profile: INTJ
Revision: 3.1
Date of Revision: 17 Oct 2009

To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of "definiteness", of self-confidence. This self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive, is actually of a very specific rather than a general nature; its source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most INTJs start building at an early age. When it comes to their own areas of expertise -- and INTJs can have several -- they will be able to tell you almost immediately whether or not they can help you, and if so, how. INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know.

INTJs are perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest. What prevents them from becoming chronically bogged down in this pursuit of perfection is the pragmatism so characteristic of the type: INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake.

INTJs are known as the "Systems Builders" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability. Whatever system an INTJ happens to be working on is for them the equivalent of a moral cause to an INFJ; both perfectionism and disregard for authority may come into play, as INTJs can be unsparing of both themselves and the others on the project. Anyone considered to be "slacking," including superiors, will lose their respect -- and will generally be made aware of this; INTJs have also been known to take it upon themselves to implement critical decisions without consulting their supervisors or co-workers. On the other hand, they do tend to be scrupulous and even-handed about recognizing the individual contributions that have gone into a project, and have a gift for seizing opportunities which others might not even notice.

In the broadest terms, what INTJs "do" tends to be what they "know". Typical INTJ career choices are in the sciences and engineering, but they can be found wherever a combination of intellect and incisiveness are required (e.g., law, some areas of academia). INTJs can rise to management positions when they are willing to invest time in marketing their abilities as well as enhancing them, and (whether for the sake of ambition or the desire for privacy) many also find it useful to learn to simulate some degree of surface conformism in order to mask their inherent unconventionality.

Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations.

This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. :-) This sometimes results in a peculiar naivete', paralleling that of many Fs -- only instead of expecting inexhaustible affection and empathy from a romantic relationship, the INTJ will expect inexhaustible reasonability and directness.

Probably the strongest INTJ assets in the interpersonal area are their intuitive abilities and their willingness to "work at" a relationship. Although as Ts they do not always have the kind of natural empathy that many Fs do, the Intuitive function can often act as a good substitute by synthesizing the probable meanings behind such things as tone of voice, turn of phrase, and facial expression. This ability can then be honed and directed by consistent, repeated efforts to understand and support those they care about, and those relationships which ultimately do become established with an INTJ tend to be characterized by their robustness, stability, and good communications.

---

Functional Analysis
by Joe Butt

Introverted iNtuition
INTJs are idea people. Anything is possible; everything is negotiable. Whatever the outer circumstances, INTJs are ever perceiving inner pattern-forms and using real-world materials to operationalize them. Others may see what is and wonder why; INTJs see what might be and say "Why not?!" Paradoxes, antinomies, and other contradictory phenomena aptly express these intuitors' amusement at those whom they feel may be taking a particular view of reality too seriously. INTJs enjoy developing unique solutions to complex problems.
Extraverted Thinking
Thinking in this auxiliary role is a workhorse. Closure is the payoff for efforts expended. Evaluation begs diagnosis; product drives process. As they come to light, Thinking tends, protects, affirms and directs iNtuition's offspring, fully equipping them for fulfilling and useful lives. A faithful pedagogue, Thinking argues not so much on its own behalf, but in defense of its charges. And through this process these impressionable ideas take on the likeness of their master.
Introverted Feeling
Feeling has a modest inner room, two doors down from the Most Imminent iNtuition. It doesn't get out much, but lends its influence on behalf of causes which are Good and Worthy and Humane. We may catch a glimpse of it in the unspoken attitude of good will, or the gracious smile or nod. Some question the existence of Feeling in this type, yet its unseen balance to Thinking is a cardinal dimension in the full measure of the INTJ's soul.
Extraverted Sensing
Sensing serves with a good will, or not at all. As other inferior functions, it has only a rudimentary awareness of context, amount or degree. Thus INTJs sweat the details or, at times, omit them. "I've made up my mind, don't confuse me with the facts" could well have been said by an INTJ on a mission. Sensing's extraverted attitude is evident in this type's bent to savor sensations rather than to merely categorize them. Indiscretions of indulgence are likely an expression of the unconscious vengeance of the inferior.

---

Famous INTJs:

Susan B. Anthony
Lance Armstrong
Arthur Ashe, tennis champion
Augustus Caesar (Gaius Julius Caesar Octavianus)
Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice)
Dan Aykroyd (The Blues Brothers)
William J. Bennett, "drug czar"
William F. Buckley, Jr.
Raymond Burr (Perry Mason, Ironsides)
Chevy Chase (Cornelius Crane) (Fletch)
Katie Couric
Phil Donahue
Michael Dukakis, governor of Mass., 1988 U.S. Dem. pres. candidate
Richard Gere (Pretty Woman)
Rudy Giuliani, former New York City mayor
Greg Gumbel, television sportscaster
Hannibal, Carthaginian military leader
Emily Bronte, author of Wuthering Heights
Angela Lansbury (Murder, She Wrote)
Orel Leonard Hershiser, IV
Peter Jennings
Charles Everett Koop
Ivan Lendl
C. S. Lewis (The Chronicles of Narnia)
Joan Lunden
Edwin Moses, U.S. olympian (hurdles)
Martina Navratilova
Michelle Obama
General Colin Powell, former US Secretary of State
Charles Rangel, US Representative, D-N.Y.
Pernell Roberts (Bonanza)
Donald Rumsfeld, former US Secretary of Defense
Hillary Clinton, US Secretary of State
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California
Josephine Tey (Elizabeth Mackintosh), mystery writer (Brat Farrar)

U.S. Presidents:

Chester A. Arthur
Calvin Coolidge
Thomas Jefferson
John F. Kennedy
James K. Polk
Woodrow Wilson

Fictional:

Cassius (Julius Caesar)
Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice)
Gandalf the Grey (J. R. R. Tolkein's Middle Earth books)
Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs)
Professor Moriarty, Sherlock Holmes' nemesis
Horatio Hornblower
Ensign Ro (Star Trek--the Next Generation)
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern (Hamlet)
George Smiley, John le Carre's master spy
Clarice Starling (Silence of the Lambs)

Copyright © 2012 by Marina Margaret Heiss and Joe Butt

---

---

"A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves." - Lao Tzu

Mental Defect

Secret War Journal[]

With each passing day, I feel a greater sense of overwhelming sorrow.
I probably could explain the cause, but I cannot express it in words.
My appetite has fallen, my joy running dry.
Colours turning grey, visions darkening.

What I grief, I grief for naught.
What I desire, I desire in vain.
What I gain, I gain nought.
What I see, I see nix.

Motivations runs dry, only to be filled again.

So much is missing.
SO much is obscured.
So much is lost.
One ponders on the meaning of his life.

Your existence is a sin.