2012: Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Monday, December 31, 2012
Secret War Journal[Year 2012][Long Post]
Year 2012, the rumoured year that spell the end of the world. Yet 21 December 2012 passed without much fanfare. I guess everyone just got bored of the constant theories that foretells the end of the world. However, think about it. What if it really brought about the end of the world? Would you had regret spending the day 21 December 2012 like any other?

While I always believed in spending my days as though there is no tomorrow, I must admit that sometimes I do falter in that ambitions of mine. There are days when I felt so saddened and enraged that I just spent those days moping around, walking around, reflecting and calming myself down. That seems to be an awful waste of my time (particularly since it was totally uncalled for and unnecessary due to the fact that it is other people's fault. Sometimes, I care simply too much.) Despite that, there may be value in such actions.
I may appear to hang around with friends often but the truth is that I am an introvert. That much is clear to my close friends who realised after a moment that while I talk a lot (of rubbish. :P), I do not often discuss matters of personal issues. I do not open up easily to people. I almost never talk (a few times but it is almost never when compared to normal people) about my screwed-up, broken, rotten-to-the-core family, how I really think, my troubles, my worries, my hopes, my hidden meanings behind statements, who I really like, and my past.
In that aspect, I am not a great friend. I know there are people who find that it is hard to interact with me because I act as though I do not trust them. (which is unfortunately, probably true. I am sorry. Please bear in mind that I was betrayed one time too many, please forgive me for being an anti-trust zealot) It is not your fault. My world is without much warmth. I am sorry.

Thus, while the writing of this journal was originally meant to record my thoughts and memories in my life, it has also, unintentionally, become my emotional pillar, the place for me to calm myself down, make myself coherent when certain people just make me feel down without fail. These are the people I dislike because they go against everything I believe in.
On the other hand, these people are the very reason I have my principles in the first place. I suppose I do owe them one. These people are my so-called 'family'. So-called due to the fact that it is a façade.

Before I accidentally rant non-stop about them (which is not the whole point of this post), let us move on, shall we? :)

In saying this, I might do all introverts an injustice. There are times when I just wished to be left alone. Somehow, communicating with other personalities of me helps to calm me down somewhat. It actually helps to me calm me down much quicker than talking with people in certain situations. But there are also times when I am feeling so depressed, I just wish there is someone I can turn to. Someone I can trust, someone who can give me the warmth that I had so longed for so many years. Sometimes, I just want people to care. Because it seems that I am the only person left in this world that actually cares. I know it is not true, I want to believe it is not true, but it is hard to believe when there is no one. No one to make me feel I am alive in this world. No one with a touch of warmth. Perhaps this world is just my imagination, my nightmare. A dark cold world in my mind.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." - Buddha

2012, this year, to me, has but 2 major events.

First would be my IDA internship . More details on Reflections on Internship

With the end of my internship came the second which took up the remainder of my time for this year, army.



All good things come to an End
Despite my best efforts, an recurring thought kept popping up throughout a major portion of the year 2012.

Indeed, all good things come to an end. It was a lesson that needs to be taught to be me by God since I always like to pretend good things would last forever and bad stuff are temporary. However, time and time again the reality had shown me that this world is based on balance; And that there is an equal chance that good things will come to an end just as bad things would come to an end.

To me, army is like the economics equivalent of Globalisation. It brought about shorter but more frequent bouts of happiness and depression. Since my enlistment in army, I feel as though I am in an endless roller coaster emotional ride. One moment I could be feeling high, another crying, right after feeling glad, yet another feeling lonely. It was a quick cycle that threatens my sanity.

Times like that, I wonder what I really want in life. Right now, at this moment of my life, what do I really desire? I constantly question my decisions leading up to the present. I wondered on nights why did I put so much effort to enter University only to be in this place now.
(Though suicide sounds tempting, I refuse to go down that path)

Having said that, this year is without doubt a year where I had very little freedom. Freedom in the sense that I am not able to tell in a glance which weekends would I be available. (There are days where I needed to go regimental duty. Sigh, sometimes I just wish they tell us so much earlier so we can arrange accordingly) It really made going out and meeting up with friends a lot harder. I remember there were occasions when some of old pals were not able to attend the outing because of regimental duty or serving some punishment over the weekends. (which is quite common, much to my horror)

Still, I am glad that I had survived nine months in army thus far. 15 more months to go! (Argh, such an enormous number)

Silver lining in that dark, dark cloud.

Despite everything army had thrown upon seemed to be bad, there are some things for me to take away from it.

Admittedly, this is when friendships are tested. This is a moment when you will discover who mattered and who does not. When everyone hardly meets, some will drop all pretence and show their true self. When that happens, you may feel sad but moving on, you should not. It lowers the possibility of being betrayed when it matters in the future. Thus, I, hazard to, say army helps in weeding out liars? And in the process, letting you meet more liars. The irony. Ha. Ha.

And hey! After much labouring and whining, I finished my gunner course! More details here.

In addition, I believe that there are some life skills to be learnt from the army experience. For one, this is a time where you would be thrown people from different walks of life to manage. By doing so, it tests your leadership skills and trains you a life skill to take away from the army.

The Matter of Scholarship
With the Year 2012 ending, I find myself thinking if I should try for a scholarship again. In a way, God had given me an extra year to think it over. For better or worse, I sometimes rather that I already gotten a scholarship this year (I was denied both the first round and the final round interview, thanks to army) just so that I would not feel so frustrated now. I find myself reconsidering the case on getting a scholarship based on several aspects:
1. Performance
Bear in mind that I am enrolled as a double degree undergraduate. A Double Degree Programme is not easy, I am well aware of that. Now, I fear that the phrase "not easy" might well be an understatement. I know people who is currently studying in a single business degree and they are having difficulties coping with the workload. One cannot hope to imagine what would be the workload be like. So the question is, would I be able to cope? If I get a scholarship, I do not just need to be able to cope, but also excel. Can I meet their expectations?
2. Bond
As you may be aware, there are scholarships that offers a bond and there others which do not. If I were to go for a scholarship, it is likely I would gun for one which offers a bond. Yet, I am unsure if a bond would be of benefit to me. With a bond, I secured my future career. However, with a bond, it could be an inhibitor to one's career as well. 
3. Will
An important question would be: Do I really want a scholarship? If so, is it for the prestige? Money? Benefits? Experience? Exposure? Fulfilment? If I get a scholarship with the wrong motivations, it could cost me dearly.
4. Private versus Public Sector
Lastly, do I wish to work in the private sector where there is higher volatile but faster promotions or do I prefer the public sector, slow but steady?

All these rattles my mind thoroughly.

Blow my mind away
Just like a coin, I had met many groups of people who question my choice of my degree.

There are mainly 3 schools of thought.
One believes it is a good choice. Business is a general degree. It does not have much specialisation. With a computing degree, I am in a good position to be at the forefront of innovation and packaging the product that makes business sense.
Another believes business is too generic and computing does not have good career prospects. I believe the business part is rather self-explanatory. For the latter, all points to India. It is not hard to see why. Indian programmers are god-like in this field. It is believed that such talented people are killing the prospects of working in that field. This is a serious consideration. Yes, I have the passion but it is indeed worrying that the odds are quite against me. However, thinking deeper. Why do they excel better than others? Is it sheer hard work or genetics? If I were to stick to my initial decision, I would need to work really hard, no doubt.
Finally, another thinks a double degree is not really worth it. Why bother working so hard only to know the chance of success is so low? Why not just stick to one and you can concentrate on one? I cannot disagree but I still have this nagging feeling to take two. I do not know why but I am willing to trust my instinct. It had not failed thus far. :)

Despite all these schools of thought, I am still sticking to my guns. I need a more concrete argument to convince me. :P

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours." - Henry David Thoreau

A thinning of patience
Sigh, the 'family'. In one hand, I would say I was quite successful in not venting my anger in the social networks. On the other hand, I had also failed. The worse part was that I was so close to being successful. I was not able to tolerate any longer and vented my anger on Facebook on the Month of December. Just barely days from a brand new year. To me, that was kind of irritating. I was so close to achieving my goal! Why did my resolve falter at the last moment. Grr! In the end, I guess my anger management still needs to be improved.
Maybe my willpower is just weak but it is really hard to contain my anger especially when they keep trying to bring up a certain issue. A certain issue that always boil my blood. When I finally calm down, they come cause me much anguish again.
--
That issue
It all began with the Stepmother. One day, she decided she wanted to rent out the room that Lera and I is sleeping in. The issue was first brought up around the month of October (or earlier I think. The reason it is not realised yet is partly because I am not helping in the process, at least covertly).
I remembered the first question that came to my mind was, "where do I sleep now?". Then questions went on to more materialistic things like, "what would happen to my stuff".
Now, a bit of background since I try not to talk about her often. (She does not deserve the publicity) Since coming to the family, she often takes the opportunity to throw away my stuff (of which my grandparents would have a lot of things to say, since they witnessed her throwing something quite personal.)
The rationale given by her was that since I am now in army. I am only at home on weekends and thus we should rent out the room.
Sounds legitimate to get more income but is it morally right? Which parent in the right mind rents out their room when they go to army. I would like to know.
The plan was that I would move to the storeroom and sleep. (I wonder how my grandparents would react since they already view getting a maid to sleep in the storeroom as maid abuse) Sometimes, I think she lost her marbles. But now, I do not think so. This is not a work of a mentally unsound person. This is all planned.
Before I get there,I am also particularly worried about my belongings. I had already suffered one time too many losing a great portion, some irreplaceable, some costing a bomb, some sentimental, as a result of her dumping of my belongings into a wastebin. All on the pretext that it is messy (Yeah like a photo album is messy. Don't make me laugh.) or it is never used (remind me why would I put that cable in a box in a cupboard near me then? Just because I packaged it nicely, just so that it would not appear messy and it is still thrown away anyways. -,-) or because it is just lying there. (For God's sake! They were in my 'in' tray! Those were work!)
At that point, with the assurance that Lera would be moving into a proper room if the room was rented out, the next thing I had to secure were my belongings. I insisted that no one is to touch my stuff. If my belongings require moving, I would do the moving personally. Thank you very much. I remembered the last time, I only expressed that my stepmother should not touch my stuff, she got my sister to do the dirty work instead so I learnt my lesson. No one. Absolutely no one, is allowed to touch my belongings. I do not wish my weekend breaks to ruined by the fact that half my belongings are gone when I return home. If it can be still called 'home' if that happens.
Content Removed at Author's Discretion
I was still able to contain my anger of the absurdity of the plan then. On one fated day, on the month of December, I overheard her saying to my half-brother that he continues to misbehave, she would rent out his room too and chase him out of the house, just like the other two. No prizes for guessing who 'the other two' was she referring to.
Wait up! You would say. It could just be words of spite then, you say.
In the past, I may had closed one eye and believed it so. However, I cannot bring myself to even trust that minute bit of her. There is no trust in the house. The look in her eyes is one that seeks to bring chaos, not peace. Perhaps, when I look at her, I have malice in my eyes too. This is war. Neutrality in the past had led me to nowhere but despair.

"No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree." - W. C. Fields

Sea of cash
Moving on, for some obscure reason, my spending this year had been quite exorbitant. I believe this is due to the fact that I stopped budget planning when I went to army. I just could not bring myself to spend time updating my budget at the end of the week (I just have to do it daily or I would lose motivation hahas because I would forget what I had spent. :P)
From the rough estimates though, I spent around 3 times more than I had last year. That is a very steep increase. Most of the money were spent on food, transport and bills. A great amount are also spent on gifts. Oops. Despite my enormous spending, I managed to save around $3000 this year. Not as much as I had hoped for but still of a substantial amount to reach my goal to save a total of $8000 by 2014. Let's hope 2013 I can save more! ^^

Note to self: I really got to control my spending! >.<

Subtle changes in the journal
I am finally reaching the end of this post! Hahas. I apologise for the emotional roller caster in this post. That was not exactly intentional but as this post was so long, it took several days to complete and at different times when I am in the midst of writing, some people just drop bombs on me causing me to be in the wrong mood to write this important post. In my own defence, when such situations do occur, I would stop writing and engage in some activities to calm myself down. There are days when I am not successful because my mind is no longer in the mood to write, resulting in a total waste of a working day.

In the meantime, throughout the course of this year, I had made some subtle changes to the look of this journal. :)

Blood, Sweat and Tears
This is without doubt, the theme of the year 2012.

In conclusion, this year had a lot of ups and down. Facing a highly volatile situation seems to be an every day affair to me. On the bright side, I am learning to be versatile, to suit the situation as the situation demands it.

While it may not always result in the best possible outcome, I am always trying. Because at the end of the day, I believe the process of doing so would nurture me, to become a better person.

Thus, I will stand steadfast, and run towards my goal. Readers, know that when you are facing dark times you should not give up. Instead you should persevere and drive yourself forward. Just remember there is someone who is facing worse odds and still not backing down. (that would be me. Opps.)

Time to embrace the Year 2013 and achieve a better tomorrow! :)


Picture Credits: ~cho-oka

Wreck it Ralph

Sunday, December 30, 2012
Secret War Journal[30 December 2012][Spoiler Alert]
Our very first cousin outing! Sadly, my sister, Lera was not able to make it due to some family politics.



Paperman
A short movie flick by Disney Studios which was memorable to me because I was certainly not expecting this movie clip before the actual movie at all. For a brief moment, I really thought I entered the wrong cinema! Hahas!


Despite the initial shock, this touching and romantic clip was very effective in spite of its length.

I think it has such an impact on me because it is touching in that it demonstrates how the power of love (being Disney) can change one's life. Yes, even ruining your career, hahas!




Ralph? Rah ha ha?
Honestly though, I wonder how Disney was able to get past all the trademarks? There was cameo from Street Fighter, and Oreo!
I really liked the part where the Oreo warriors started to chant Oreo! Oreo! Oreo! Hahas.

Plot-wise, I can empathise how Ralph felt as a villain. You cannot stay a villain too long before, being a human, you feel unwanted in life. That would really cost you a lot of your own self-esteem. Eventually, you just feel as though you lost all meaning in life. Thus, I understand why Ralph decided to jump ship. No hard feelings, Ralph.

What are your initial thoughts when you first meet Vanellope? I felt that the introduction was a bit out of the blue but they make up for it with the comic relief of the encounter between her and Ralph.
Her cloths... are defying gravity. LOL
Forgive me for being ignorant. For a moment, I thought she was the cybug that mutated into a character in Sugar Rush. How wrong was I? Oops. But hey, if she turned out to be a cybug in disguise, it would perfectly explain her glitchy characteristics. :P Just saying.

After a while, I must say Vanellope grew on me. I guess she is my favourite character in the movie. She reminds me of so many things. (Beauty of Disney eh?) She is someone with a clear vision ("Racing's in my code!") and despite all odds ("Everyone here says I'm just a mistake and that I wasn't even suppose to exist.") she does not give up. That's how we should live our life. Sometimes, social norms may stop us in our tracks, making us rethink if this is how we should live our lives. However, we should be unfazed by that and live our dreams!
"As your merciful princess, I hereby decree that everyone who was ever mean to me shall be... executed."
One of the biggest slap that Disney Studios gave me was the true identity of King Candy. I was an idiot to not totally see it coming. All the signs were there! Heck, the director, Rich Moore even threw in foreshadowing and I was still looking the wrong way. Oh my god, my inference skills need brushing up!

I think Disney Films are slowly deviating from their traditional princess films. (this sounds familiar, did I say this before? Hmm..) As you can see from this film, they separated the romance from the main character cast. (I mean, Ralph x Vanellope? No way, hahas) Instead, the romance comes from Felix Jr and Calhoun, both of which are supporting characters. I do not really like them but I must admit they are needed to reach the ending. Not to mention, the occasional comic relief from them. :P

All in all, I think it was my money to watch this movie. I certainly did not feel that I wasted my money and I would recommend you guys to watch it too. :)
--
Hasty Scribblings:
  • So what really happened to that soldier from Hero's Duty that was replaced by Ralph? Still in that storeroom? Hahas!
  • Why did Ralph not get Vanellope to finish the finishing line instead of evacuating her? (When he knows she cannot exit the game) That would reset the game and technically remove the 'virus', no? :O
  • I wonder what would really happen if Vanellope really executed everyone who was mean to her? Hahas! That game would really be broken then.
  • Seriously, a main character that can teleport in-game? We need some balance!
  • Notice that their clothes never get wet or dirty? How cool is that?
  • The scenery in Sugar Rush reminds me of Cadbury Chocolate land in their advertisements.
  • In my opinion, the highlight of the show was Vanellope exchanging remarks with Ralph.

Before watching the movie, my cousins and I went to have lunch at Korean BBQ at Tampines One!

As it turns out, we are not prepared for Korean BBQ. Just finishing two plates of raw meat, most of us were feeling full already. :P

Man, our appetites are too weak. Fortunately, Yuki and I managed to finish 2 or 3 more plates of Chicken Leg meat. Tze Yui, on the other hand, ate more beef. XD Finally, our man, Qi Xian went about feasting on watermelons to finish his watermelon sculpture. Hahas!

Before we knew it, it was almost time for the movie so we had to leave. :O
Time really flies when you are cooking the food yourself. Since meat takes quite a decent time to be fully cooked, you cannot help but feel that not a lot of time had passed when a lot of time had actually went by.

We were almost late for the movie, with much hilarious results. We almost gave up buying drinks though we did give up buying popcorn (also partly because we were too full. :D)

All I can say is, hallelujah for 10 minutes of advertisements before the movie officially starts. >=D

What it means to be a Gunner

Sunday, December 23, 2012
Secret War Journal[21 December 2012]
The fabled doomsday. While people were worrying whether the conspirators were right about 21 December 2012 being the end of the world, a small group of people were readying themselves for a parade that most of them had been looking forward to. The 13th Specialist Cadet Graduation Parade. After around 5 months of training to become a specialist, I have finally joined the ranks of many others to become a specialist.

March Pass, saluting to Chief Of Army, Singapore

No one said it was going to be easy. I had no illusion. There was much hardship. Like someone once told me. Life without challenge is without meaning. I hate to admit it but that is indeed true.

Suppose I were to attend the course and everything was smooth sailing for me in every manner, I think that me would had taken the role and responsibilities of being a specialist for granted. In addition, I would not feel proud to be part of the specialist family.

In fact, my course was not as easy as everyone else thought it would be. As some of my social circles would know, I am not exactly a very physically fit person. During my course, I was that close to failing it because I was having difficulty doing chin-ups then. Until now, I am not really sure why the number of pull ups I could do just fell by so much in the span of one week. I am guessing I had a really bad case of muscle fatigue.

It was through the help and support from my room mates did I manage to pass it in time. Thank you guys! For suffering with me and participating in physical training at night when it is your break time. ^^

When I passed the physical aspect hurdles of the course, it is time to concentrate on the technical details of my course. From carrying a heavy round (as heavy as a human being!) to sweating non-stop in the unforgiving sun. I would not say this is a kind of job that others imagine working in for the majority of their life. But hey, that is what I was tasked to do, and did we had.

Thus, it was with great pride that the lot of us graduated from the parade as specialist. If you were to ask me if I rather do something else in the army, I think it is likely I would stick to my guns. After all, once a gunner, always a gunner. Man, I am such a sucker. Hahas!

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." - Winston Churchill

Annoyance

Secret War Journal[23 December 2012]
Just get out of my life. Out of my sight.

The sight of you disgusts me.

I hate people who do not reciprocate kindness given to them. These people do not deserve it.

So this is how is it, isn't it? Ha ha, how badly had I played my hand. Betrayed by my family. A demoness, let in to the Hold to torment me. At times like this, I do not know who to turn to. Perhaps there is no one to turn to. Ha ha. such is the reality of my life, no? In this world, the only person you can trust is yourself.

This world is cold and my heart is frost. Upon thine world, shalt I burn it to ashes.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Saturday, December 22, 2012
Secret War Journal[15 December 2012]
After attending Playhouse 2012, Johnston, Qi Xiang and I decided to play LAN to kill time, since the movie starts at 8:30pm.

I am proud to inform you that, the seats this time round are well-positioned because I made the effort to go to the cinema early in the morning to buy the tickets. There was hardly anyone there then and I had a wide range of seats to choose from. :) *feels proud*

Some of you would be wondering why did I not just buy online. I mean why the hassle?! You're right. I did try to. Sadly, I do not own a debit nor a credit card. Furthermore I wanted to take advantage of certain discount when I buy the tickets over the counter. (which turned out to be a failure, by the way, the Hobbit was an exclusive movie until 16 December. As a result, there were no discount. :()


Soon, it was time for the movie. With only three of us, we decided to buy one popcorn combo and meatballs. However, I did not expect that the large size popcorn to be so small. Hahas, the irony. Like what Johnston said, the size of the large popcorn looks like the past regular size popcorn. We were contemplating whether to buy another popcorn combo since Johnston and I felt that there is a chance that we may finish the popcorn and the meatballs very fast, leaving us with nothing to eat.

Sure enough, before the movie was reaching midway, we finished our meatballs and popcorn. Hahas, we managed to survive without food for the remainder of the time in the cinema as the movie was great, in my opinion.
--
As many of you would know, the Hobbit: An unexpected journey was based on a book, prequel to the renowned trilogy - the Lord of the Rings. It was meant to be a book for children and centres on the adventures of the hobbit, Bilbo Baggins.

In this particular arc, Gandalf the Brown decided to involve the hobbit in an adventure with a merry company of dwarves to reclaim their ancient kingdom that was taken from them from a black dragon.

Apparently, after watching the movie, the studio behind the movie decided to include tales from the Silmarillion, explaining more about the lore in Tolkien's fantasy world and hinting the coming of the nazgul, with the appearance of a witchking.

Although I did not like the introduction of the movie, I must admit that the appearance of Frodo Baggins was effective in bringing back memories from the Lord of the Rings.

Gandalf! Ah the wizard is supposedly younger since the story is set 60 years before the events of the Lord of the Rings. However, as this movie is directed 10 years after the last Lord of the Rings film, Gandalf looked noticeably older which was ironic. XD Perhaps Gandalf the Brown was not yet adept in magic to make him look youthful.

Yet he is not the only wizard in middle earth! We know that there is Saruman the White ,who appears in the movie, but are there more? It is mentioned in the movie that there are 5 wizards in middle earth, one white, 2 brown, 2 blue. While the blue wizards did not appear in the movie, I would love to see future sequels explaining the roles that the Blues play.

Speaking of which, while the source material was quite a thin book, the addition of other source materials allowed the story to be made into a trilogy. This may seem like a letdown as one is tempted to think that it is some money making gimmick.
Well, I do not know if it is really the case but I felt that the pacing of the movie was good and given the length of the movie, it is justified to split it into at least 2 films.

Finally, another aspect that the film was successful in what the candid interactions between Bilbo and Gollum. It created an opportunity for comic relief and it was well-played.

Thus, this is definitely a film to watch this month and I felt that it was better than the Lord of the Rings trilogy but it is too early to say as this is just the first of the three.

M1 Playhouse 2012

Sunday, December 16, 2012
Secret War Journal[15 December 2012]
Hi guys! Today is the day many NUS Medical students had practised for, Playhouse 2012!

As I would quote from them, "Playhouse is a yearly intra-faculty drama competition of a tremendous scale. Each year, students from every batch come together to put up 5 different plays, each lasting an hour, to compete with their fellow Meddies. This serves as the finale event for the yearly Intra-Faculty Games organized in conjunction with the Sports Directorate." 

For this event to be so successful, you have to give credit to the management, the external vendors, and of course the students who invested countless hours to perform these wonderful plays. :)
--
What I would like to focus today would be the first play during Playhouse 2012, also known as a play by the Team M1.

It is also the play that my friends Johnston and Trevor played a part in. :)

Synopsis
(I hope I described it accurately, hahas! I will update it when I confirm the details. :P)
The story revolves around a lady named Anna and her 5 unique (eccentric?) neighbours. It begins with the death of a fellow neighbour named Jansen which sparks off a series of emotional reactions and events involving the tenants of the apartment.

There are a few characters in the play.
First off, would be of course Anna, the main character. She portrays herself as an rational character among the tenants. Indeed, more often than not, she is the sensible character during the interactions with the other tenants.

Next, Grey. A highly cynical (& logical) guy who likes to think rationally but is secretly afraid of losing control. Personally, I do not see how he secretly fears losing control. Maybe I did not catch his reaction that demonstrates that. (I am such a poor audience. :O) He is at odds with Patricia, mainly due to their differences. [Last among the victims to die. Killed by a random burglar breaking into the house at the exact moment he joked about he would be killed, to demonstrate how absurd Anna sounded. Talk about speaking about the devil.]

Walter. Jansen's father. He is senile, possibly because he was not able to handle the grief from losing his son. A good portion of his airing time was spent emphasizing how he still believes Jansen is still alive and insisting the tenants to call him down for dinner. He has a granddaughter. (I am not sure what's her name. Sorry.) [2nd to die, after Jansen, supposedly from natural death. Witness: His granddaughter.]

Walter's granddaughter, named Lily. A child that was badly abused by her parents in the past. As a result, she keeps a doll by her side. She interacts with people often by referring to her doll or speaks in a third person manner. She reminds me of the character Alice in Alice in Wonderland. That makes her a bit creepy in nature, no? [4th to die. From aspirin overdose, taken secretly when Luke brings a box of aspirin to the living room.]

Zoe. A girl that loves the colour pink. Anything in pink is cool to her. She is rather self-centred, or it is just me. She was not really fond of Jansen. Thus she was not greatly affected by his death. She is a party animal and loves to socialise with people. [3rd to die, from a faulty power socket resulting in a lethal electric shock. She was drunk then, causing her brains to be addled.]

Patricia. Seemingly over-paranoid about many things, she stammers when she talks and thinks the whole world is out to get her, and the tenants. It worsened with the death of Jansen where she believes that Jansen's thyroid cancer can be spread by being near his corpse. When a new tenant is expected to live in Jansen's unit and the newcomer's name is known, she associates his name, Luke with Leukaemia, proclaiming him as an agent of death. Convinced, she is opposed with the idea of allowing Luke coming into the apartment as the new tenant. She is at odds with Grey due to her supposed delusions that Luke is a murderer and is out to kill every tenant in the apartment. [5th to die. Coaxed to commit suicide by Luke.]

Luke. The new tenant in the apartment. A calm character who is unfazed by all the deaths occurring in the apartment. He is often seen offering a helping hand to Anna, hoping to offer her as much aid as he could in the difficult times in the apartment. One notable conversation that occurred between him and Anna was how she coped with the neighbours in the tenant, each with their unique personalities. Towards the end of the play, he is revealed to be the mastermind of the deaths of the tenants, claiming it was for Anna's sake, leading Anna to be in despair. In the end, he is actually a doctor treating Anna's multiple personality disorder.

Combined Arms Term Goals

Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Secret War Journal[December 2012][Updated 21 December 2012]
  1. Survive
  2. Recover from foot rot 
  3. Meet up with Jie Sheng
  4. Meet up with Meldon
  5. No guard duty on 15 December 2012
  6. Have so much fun, its criminal!
  7. Pass out!

While I am enjoying, you will not be left behind! ;)

When happiness hurts

Thursday, December 6, 2012
Secret War Journal[6 December 2012]
There comes a time when,
making other people happy leaves you with a bitter sweet smile.
When you feel that, at the back of your head, you wish that the person feeling happy could be you instead.

Times like this, you wonder why you would want to help other pursue their happiness.
Times like this, you just want to be selfish like the others and strive for your own happiness.

That well may be a dangerous thought.
Remember the times when seeing someone smile makes you smile too? The times when your deeds allowed another to be cheer up and you felt comforted?

Why has that feeling become so cold? Why do I no longer feel the warmth of happiness when I help others? Am I numb to happiness?

Perhaps, I had turned cold.

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." - Mahatma Gandhi

NTU Dorm

Sunday, December 2, 2012
Secret War Journal[1 December 2012]
Today I was given an opportunity to see how a dorm looks like in NTU!

I have to thank Shereen and Erin for the invitation, hahas! I felt like some real estate buyer viewing their rooms. :P
--
Backtracking a bit before I tell you how's the rooms like in NTU Dormitory, before meeting Shereen and Erin in NTU, I met up with Keller and Qi Xiang for some LAN gaming first. Marcus was invited but he was summoned to the office to finish some pressing issues. I did not invite Johnston as I thought he had lessons that day. (As it turned out, Johnston did not have lessons that day. Ah, I feel so bad now. :( On the bright side, he should be studying for his upcoming examinations so I should not distract him. ^^)

We really caught up a lot since it has been what? 1 or 2 months since we last met Keller? That sure felt like a long time. Hahas!
--
A trip roundabout the train
After having a great time with Keller and Qi Xiang, playing DotA 2 the first time in 3 months, I headed off to NTU.

Only to realise it would take around 40 minutes to reach Boon Lay Station from Dhouby Ghaut. Oh dear, I am going to be late. Big time. Oops?

(I found out later that when they found out how long it was going to take to reach the place, Erin decided to take a nap in her room. LOL!)

To make matters worse, I did not realise that Boon Lay was not terminal station for the East-West Line. *Facepalms*
But hey! I had not reached the last stop of the train yet! I am still at least around 5 to 6 stops from Joo Koon, the last stop, according to the LED board on the train. Thus I made the realisation in time. *Beams brightly*

Unknown to me though, the LED board actually malfunctioned.
At the stop after Jurong East Interchange, the train came to a complete halt and an announcement were played, telling all passengers to alight. I was like, "what happened?"

I came out to realise I am at Joo Koon. *Facepalms*

Of all trains to have a malfunctioned LED board, I am in that one. Awesome. At this moment, I remembered laughing manically (which was kinda embarrassing) while calling Shereen to inform her that I would be even later than expected. I recalled her laughing as well when she heard the news. This was too stupid a mistake, hahas!
--
Palette
After all the trouble, I finally reached NTU. After meeting up with Shereen, we headed off to a (erm... restaurant? no,) cafe named Palette (I hope I spell correctly!)

Erin met us there, we managed to wake her up and got her to come over! Hahas! Oops, I am being mean. :P

It is a basically a cafe that serves western food while providing a place for people to study (ahem, I mean mug) though I think most prefer to just dine here and go back and study (I feel that it is less depressing and less troublesome, trust me)

As usual, I ordered chicken chop with black pepper sauce (which my father would have something to say if he finds out since I always order that when trying out new western restaurants or cafes. :P)

You would have to agree that it is a hard dish to screw up, no? Anyways...

We did quite a bit of catch up and Shereen gave me further pointers of what my Business course would entail when I enter the university. All in all, not very positive. :O
--
Bigger than expected?
The moment has come!

Entering Shereen's room made me realise that it was a lot bigger than I had expected.

Granted, I noticed later that there are actually 3 occupants in the room but it was supposed to be a room for 2. I believe it is bigger than a shoebox apartment?

I like the idea that they joined the beds together, leaving a moderate amount of space at one side. I think it is better than having that space in the middle, between the two beds instead because it makes the room appear smaller? (No to mention, the inability to lean on the wall, man that would suck! XD)

Mentioning about space, oh god the amount of books for Business course, alone! It is the first year and there is already a great number of thick books on the table for Business (plus, according to her, she is sharing textbooks with another coursemate, meaning the stack here is only half!) Oh god! (I just have to exclaim twice)

However, I felt that the room, despite the space, was still a bit confined due to the shape of the room. It gives one the feeling of stuffy, especially with the air conditioner being present in the room! (And the fact that you cannot use it! Gahh!!! Unless you pay of course, which you try not to because your school fees is just that high!)
I suppose it is not that bad when you open the windows. (Honestly, the only reason why I felt that way was because I saw the aircon in the room. Gahh! Don't get me started~!)

As I reached the University quite late, after snapping a few photos of each other and taking group photos, it is time to go.

Before that, Erin brought me to her room to see the difference between Halls. I did not spend long in her room though, just took note of the shape of the room and the size of the room (Cheryl, her roommate was sleeping. Awkward!)
Man, Erin's room is even bigger. I am going to aim for her hall! Hahahas!
--
Alright time to go home. Had a blast today!

*Nods off to dreamland in bus*

"It is a thousand times better to have common sense without education than to have education without common sense." - Robert Green Ingersoll

Dancing, still alive

Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Secret War Journal[27 November 2012]



Shed light upon visions

Sunday, November 25, 2012
Secret War Journal[18 November 2012]
One of the funny thing about myself is that... I have a low memory lifespan. Many times had I mentioned that the reason I am blogging here is to record the events of my life so that I would remember the proceedings and also my feelings and thoughts then. Thus, I actually thought I posted this already but apparently not since I just got reminded about it recently.

To be frank, I am not really sure if I told anyone yet, hahas. For I know, I may just complete this post, only to realise I had typed this before. (Now, wouldn't that suck? Hahas)

Before I ended up in this current branch of the military, I had a vision seemingly foretelling me what would be my posting.

In the vision, I was a hunter but not an ordinary hunter like those portrayed in historic times.

The hunter/I was hunting with a bow (longbow? I cannot really tell since the vision did not focus greatly on the bow, rather the action.) that allowed one to shoot from great distances, different from historic hunting which only involves closer combat, even with bows. I am not sure what the prey was but I knew it was a high-value target, one to last me for days.

With that, the vision abruptly ended. You may think it may not mean much but it means something, for me. Visions are not exactly hard to come by but they are not frequent. Thus far, each tries to bring across a message. Though some helped me in how I lived my life, I admit that I could had done better if I had interpreted the meaning of the vision or did not misinterpret the vision.

At this point, you are probably wondering what am I trying to say. To this vision, I interpreted as being a sniper, since I was killing from afar.

A few weeks back, I thought I interpreted it correctly since I was selected for a sniper selection interview. At the back of my mind then, after hearing what's in store for me as a sniper, I knew I was not ready to be a sniper. At that point, the vision did not make sense to me. Was its purpose to foretell that I would be interviewed for selection as a sniper or did it mean something else totally?

I do not really know at that moment, thus I took a leap of fate and let God decide. I tend to do that when I do not understand the vision bestowed upon me is trying to tell me.

As fate has it, I was not going to be a sniper. Thus was my interpretation wrong. (No worries, I am sorta got used to it...)

The message that the vision was trying to relay was, I would kill from afar. Apparently (from how I understand it now, of course, I could be wrong... again), in historic times, the technology involved to portray a clearer message is not yet discovered, thus it had to improvise with arrows and bows (please don't ask me why, I do not know the mechanics of visions, yet).

In the end, I am now an artillery gunner. (Though I may not admit it freely, I am happy that I am part of the gunner family, compared to others)

Funny how visions play on our minds, huh? They let you peek but never the whole package. Devious little things, but I welcome them. :P

"Time is what we want most, but what we use worst." - William Penn

TIme phase

Friday, November 23, 2012
Secret War Journal[23 November 2012]

Much has changed.

In the span of one hour, much change had occurred.


Returning from darkness, objects were moved from its original locations, (according to my knowledge, one hour ago), in an empty house apart from myself.

Furnitures are moved, items brought from one place to another.

No one entered nor exit the house. I was the only person in the house.
It certainly felt like a closed room mystery.

Another shift in the world lines and I had not even resolved all the conflicts in the previous one.
Guess God had decided I am needed more in this current world I am now in. I would need to find out what changed here, what are the differences between this world and the former.
At least the changes are less subtle then the last time, huh? Small comfort.

I felt the all-too-familiar headache when such incidents occur.

Roti Prata House

Saturday, November 17, 2012
Secret War Journal[9 November 2012]

What better to celebrate the end of a short outfield exercise with a eat-out together with your section mates? :)

 I would say the pratas are really crispy, as advertised. Hahas!

The price for the normal roti prata - Plain and Egg are average though their speciality pratas are really costly. I tried one, the Chicken Floss Prata and it cost $4. T.T

In fact, I find the cost not exactly justified. It is funny when my friends can buy so many more pieces yet still paid less than me. Hahas!

Still, it was a nice supper with my section mates. :)


"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six." - Yogi Berra

Artillery Specialist Course Wishlist

Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Secret War Journal[October 2012 - December 2012]
I finally thought up of some things to aim for during this course. :P
  1. Survive
  2. Pass IPPT / Obtain Silver for IPPT
  3. Pass SOC
  4. Pass General Knowledge Test
  5. Get posted into a good unit

Skyfall

Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Secret War Journal[10 November 2012]
This movie outing was organised quite in a rush. The original plan was to watch last week when it supposedly premièred. However, as my grandmother had been admitted to a hospital, I had to cancel the outing to visit my grandmother.

As a result, I postponed the movie outing to this Saturday. As a consequence, Marcus was not able to make it. Keller had returned to Singapore but he is busy on that day as well. (Awww....)

In addition, I just had a short field camp during the weekdays. I was not able to finalise the details until the day itself as I was close to being knocked out on Friday night.

That was evident by the fact that I missed my stop twice in the train because I fell asleep, causing me to detour twice. Finally, I blocked people from entering the bus because I was first in line and I fell asleep.

Hahas, embarrassing moments of my life. :P

One aspect of the movie that I really liked was the way the scriptwriter kept emphasising the theme - Skyfall. From the beginning to the end of the movie, there were many references to the theme. It serves to tell the audience why the movie was named so.

In many ways, this is truly a action-packed movie. More of explain less, more action formula, I would say. I would say the formula for this plot because the plot is not hard for the audience to understand why certain things happen in such a manner. Thus, there was no need for the characters to explain, which would make the movie quite dull indeed.
Removing the lengthy explanations, all that is left would be pure action sequences where you get to see the main character constantly running into obstacles and overcoming them.

Quite surprisingly, this movie deviated from the normal James Bond formula. I must admit that I entered the Cinema expecting a female sidekick/lover shooting with James Bond. All I got was quite different from my expectations. A brief moment with a female character with a random embrace and kiss with virtually no character development. I guess it was their way of saying, "Hey, the usual features of a James Bond movie is still present!" but I am not buying it when the female character felt like an afterthought.

The movie also paid homage to some past James Bond movies which I find was not too bad but certainly not a plot device to be used in future James Bond movie any longer since the effect would be lost.

Finally, what I liked best about the movie was their witty responses which brought smiles to the audience, if not laughter (I am sure)!

The less we get together

Sunday, November 11, 2012
Secret War Journal[11 November 2012]
Published on Nov 11, 2012


-- ST ILLUSTRATION: ADAM LEE


In my phone, there is a long-running Whatsapp group chat titled "Sunday woohoo". I created it on April 30 to organise a meeting with a group of friends the following week. The actual meeting transpired a month later, and it wasn't on a Sunday.
More than half a year later, this group chat still exists. It is a way for six people who used to work in the same office to keep in touch. Two of them have since quit the company - one left to pursue a law degree and another to work in the civil service. One friend who is still working as a journalist is now on no-pay leave to spend time with her baby.
"Sunday woohoo" is our own social network. As a place to share news and bad puns, it is on fire. Sometimes, when I am busy conducting an interview or having a meeting, my phone can buzz needily and non-stop against my thigh. When I finally check the overheated phone, there would be a ridiculous number of messages from my friends discussing crucial, earth- shattering issues, such as whether someone looks like a tranny and how to get better skin.
But truth be told, the vast majority of the messages are actually attempts by us to find a day in which we are all free to meet up.
There are thousands of reasons tripping up our group date. Babysitting difficulties. Holidays. The flu. Unpredictable schedules in the office that end anytime from 7pm to midnight.
Because we have an ill-advised "leave no man behind" policy, our rendezvous keeps getting pushed back, receding further and further into the distant future till I'm certain we'll probably meet in the afterlife. Even then, that's not for sure. Some of us may be in heaven and some in hell.
Just as I was starting to forget how my friends' faces look like, we made a ruthless decision: We named a day to meet. Those who can't make it will just have to miss it.
It sounds cruel but it was necessary. The co-ordination attempts were getting preposterous. More than 50 messages will go by, waiting for non-respondents to reply and accumulating more reasons why so-and-so can't do this date. And we still would not have come to a decision.
Gone were the days when we were younger, single, slogging away at the office and leaving together at the end of the day, cursing at the night sky. Yes, our lives were an unhealthy cycle of co-dependence. We probably should have met other people. We were losers. But meeting up was easy, and we met regularly and at short notice.
Now, because life has taken us to different places, scheduling has become like pulling teeth. Harder, actually. Because for our group of friends, fate will have it that when the dentist can make it, the nurse isn't around.
Eventually, four of us made it to dinner on Monday. Like shipwreck survivors, we washed up at our usual haunt, dazed, blinking, surprised to see one another.
We ordered the same food and our old, familiar drink: a bottle of merlot from a company called Fishbone. I always found it a terrible name for a wine, foreboding terrible things happening to your throat. Just one step below Razor Blade or Glass.
The catching up began. The new mother refused to drink the Fishbone. We were almost hurt, like someone has rejected old clothes we didn't want anyway.
"I rarely get to drink because I'm breastfeeding," she explained apologetically. "I'm dying for a glass of white."
I nodded in an understanding manner, until she went on about how she can eat five or six meals a day without putting on weight.
We toasted our meeting, a glass of sauvignon blanc clinking against two glasses of Fishbone clinking against... a mug of latte.
The law student grimaced. "I need to study, I can't drink," he said, adding that he is engaged in competitive mugging with his younger schoolmates. In which case, I thought, your drink is too weakly caffeinated.
About one hour in, one of us stood up to leave. A church event. "I'll be done in an hour, Whatsapp if you guys are still hanging out," he said.
The survivors clung on a little longer, sharing more stories from our vast expanse of time apart. This must be what long-lost siblings feel like when they are reconciled.
I regaled them with my recent trip to London and Edinburgh. "On the way back, a woman next to me puked and passed out on the plane. For a while, I had to sit on the folding chairs meant for the crew. Facing everyone else. When I went back to my seat, the air stewardess gave me a gigantic mask. For the last five hours of the ride, I didn't sleep..."
"I've got to go study," the law student said.
"...I simply breathed into the mask and created condensation against my face."
I yawned into my elbow. "Okay. You're right. Let's go. I'm jetlagged."
We left at 9.30pm. I showered and went straight to bed. The next day, my phone was alive with hope, crammed with messages of how nice it was to finally catch up.
"Maybe we should fix a date every month to meet up," said one of the absentees. "Like the 15th."
"Like Taoist rites?" I typed.
"How about this Friday?" she said.
"Oh, I've got a family dinner.
"I need to study."
"I've got to review a play."
chiahta@sph.com.sg
facebook.com/chiahta

How true is that?

Storm of Sand

Saturday, November 3, 2012
Secret War Journal[3 November 2012]
Today, I just attended a gathering with my army friends that I had made during my initial enlistment period.
 I think it had been close to 4 months since I last met some of them. I would say that apart from the length of their hair, they hardly changed. Hahas!

Even though not all of us could make it for the gathering, there was still a good number of us who managed to make it. (Cannot blame anyone since it is truly very difficult to get everyone to be present for such a big number of people. I feel your pain, organiser!)

St. Games
For this cohesion gathering, we came to a video game cafe named St. Games @ the Cathay.

To be frank with you guys, this is my first time coming to this Cafe. My initial thoughts when I first reached the place was that the cafe looked as though it did not have enough space. In the past, you would not had required a lot of space to set up a cafe that allows customers to play video games. You probably just need to get a decent monitor and a couch for them to sit comfortably in.

Now, times had changed. Consoles now possess motion gaming capabilities. Technologies such as Xbox Kinect and Wii means that players need more space for us to move about. Thus, we certainly need more room for console gaming.

In addition, players are no longer satisfied with normal screen size. If I were to pay to play console games outside (rather than playing at home), I would expect the screen size to be much larger to improve my gaming experience. Sadly, I found the screen sizes in the cafe quite average, nothing special. It is not small, I would say it is decent but definitely not a plus point for gamers to come play instead of playing at home with their friends.

Another point to note would be the high charges for the usage of the cafe which one of my friend pointed out that it was not really value-for-money for short periods of gameplay. I cannot disagree on that.

In its defense, I really like their free flow of a great variety of drinks. :)
--
Just Dance 4
One of the new games I played there was Just Dance 4! It is a Xbox Kinect game which support 4 players.

Comparing to Dance Central, I would say it supports more players? (I don't know about Dance Central 3 because I had not played that yet, hahas!) That is a plus point for Just Dance 4 because it is a in better footing for party games where 4 of us could play together in a dancing battle.

However, I soon realised thata lot of space is really required for a great gaming experience. For such a game, the room we were in was actually considered relatively small. (Dang, Kinect just have to need so much space!) There were moments when not all of us could be identified in the game as there was insufficient space for all of us  to stand in. Not to mention the hilarious moments when some of us swooped places in the game as they detected erroneously that the original player 2 was player 3 and vice versa. This could be a technical limitation of the Kinect though, not the game I believe.

Just Dance 4 lost in terms of its graphics. It is just too 2D (I believe it was the intention but sometimes I cannot stand it, hahas!) Dance Central's graphics are much pleasing to the eye, I would dare say.

"Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes


After having fun playing in St. Games, the original plan to have dinner with them. However, I just found out that my grandmother had been admitted to a hospital. As a result, I left early to visit my grandmother.

As far as I know, she is still there but she is doing fine.

"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough." - Don Marquis

Citadels & Looper

Sunday, October 21, 2012
Secret War Journal[20 October 2012]
It is time to celebrate Qi Xiang's Birthday!


Together with Marcus and Meldon, we had a blast at Mindcafe near Dhouby Ghaut.

We played a match of Settlers of Catan. After that, we went on to play a round of Citadels.

Citadels

Apart from Qi Xiang, I think the rest of us never played this game before. (At least I know I never played before)

At first look, the game may look a bit complicated due to the presence of 4 different sets of cards, excluding the instructional cards. Of course, on hindsight, it certainly looks a lot less complicated than Settlers of Catan but hey, I was not comparing this board game to any game when I first saw the contents.

Basically, in this game, your goal is to accumulate as much points at the end of the game. The game ends at the end of the round when a player constructed 8 districts.

The more expensive your districts are, the more points it would contribute. Players who constructed 8 districts at the end of the game would receive bonus points and the first player to construct 8 district would receive the most bonus points. Some districts have special abilities.

Perhaps, the key element of the game is the character cards. Each round, you get to choose a class/character where no one else knows until it is revealed later phase of the round. Each character has a special ability which you can use in that round. Some abilities include destruction of a district, extra gold, make a player lose a turn.

The remaining 2 sets of cards are bonus decks which you can opt to replace the original cards in the district and character decks. In my opinion, some of the cards from the bonus decks are quite imbalanced and breaks the game but that's just me. :P

The Present
Before we headed off to the cinema, we side-tracked a bit to a nearby games store.

Mind you, this was all planned beforehand.

Qi Xiang had mentioned about this game for quite some time already. Since he does not yet own this game, we decided it would make quite a decent birthday present for him.

Thus, as we entered the store, we started to talk about the latest games available in various consoles. Meanwhile, Marcus went to purchase the game to present it to Qi Xiang.

Qi Xiang looked a bit shocked when he saw the present. He had an expression which said "I can't believe you guys just bought this for me!". Hahas!

Mission accomplished. Time to watch the movie. :P

Looper


In my opinion, it was an insightful movie. Though I won't call it a great movie but it is indeed thought-provoking. Time travel has been a concept that many had imagined. However, many considerations need to be taken when writing a script based on time travel. It is just so easy to create paradox on the fly when you are writing a story with time travel involved.

Looper is one such movie that leads one to feel that the author did not bother to tie up the loose ends in the movie, leaving the paradox unexplained. Of course, it could also be the intention of the author to leave it to the watcher's imagination. Sometimes, explaining the paradox could kill the action in the movie which I would agree in this case since this movie is seriously lacking some thrilling action. Even though I believe it was not meant to be an action movie, but hey, a little more action would not hurt right?

One aspect I really liked about the movie was how the director managed to portray the motivations of various characters in the movie. Despite the lack of screen time for the older Joe, it is not difficult to know the driving force behind his actions. Similarly for Kid Blue, his motivations are also explained in the movie.

Regarding comic relief, I believe one of the best played scene was the anti-climatic scene, much similar to the anti-climatic scene in Iron Man 2. Another well-played act was the conversation between the two Joes in the restaurant.

Comparing to other time travel pieces, I feel that Steins;Gate is still a better option. It could possibly due to the fact that it is not a movie but has many episodes to slowly build up on the time travel concept which gives Steins;Gate ample time to close the loose ends. Steins;Gate allows the audience to get mind-blown as everything makes sense, where everything fits despite the move into the next time line, preventing major paradoxes.


Finally, Looper is a movie that ensures that one would be talking about it after the movie, allowing intellectual discussions on each other's perceptions/understanding of the movie. Each and everyone has different approach to understanding the movie, allowing this movie to be a great topic to converse about in social gatherings. That is where Looper truly shines, I feel.

"I must govern the clock, not be governed by it." - Golda Meir

Big Guts

Sunday, October 14, 2012
Secret War Journal[14 September 2012]
Woah, I hardly could find time to blog nowadays. Funny how that actually sounds. I am now able to go home on Friday nights instead of Saturday morning and I still go back on Sunday nights yet time seems to move ever faster.

I guess I am really growing older. Only old people think time passes faster despite given the same amount of time.

Anyways, this is a short update on my life in army thus far.

I am failing my physical test again. One of a kind, I would say. I am not really sure the reason myself but it happened after I over-exerted my muscles on my first day there.

My strength had went downhill since then. Sometimes, I wonder if I contracted the muscles-destroying virus that one of my former section mates had then. I hope not.

I sure hope I can pass the physical test in one month. That is the time frame given to me by my superiors before I officially fail the entire leadership course. Definitely not a pretty sight. Let's see how sheer determination leads me to, huh?

I hope I can answer to you.

4 times denied
Just yesterday, I had a outing with Jie Sheng, Siew Yan, Bao Lin, and Cynthia. It had been a month since I last saw them. I must really emphasize - Time really flies! 

The original plan was to have some nice dim sum at Ajunied but the plan fell apart mainly due to my fault (and I was the organiser, how great is that?)

Bad things happened to me when I try to reach a place. Most specifically, it started when I want to visit my mum.

First, it all started on Friday morning. The outing was finalised on Thursday. I decided that since the venue was at Ajunied, I could go early myself on Saturday and pay my Mum a visit. I thought of that when I woke up on Friday morning early. Shortly after I decided to do it, I came down with a bad runny nose. I dare say the runny nose ruin my entire day. There were actually moments I thought I would be sick. (Meaning I would have to also cancel the outing altogether, now wouldn't that be sad?)

Second, was the moment I decided to carry out the plan anyways, since I woke up kinda early on Saturday and my nose no longer was acting up. At that moment, my family decided to use the washing machine (when I am the one who normally uses it on Saturdays), causing considerable delay to me since I had to wash my clothes after theirs. (In fact, I was so late I cannot visit my mother before the agreed time to meet the rest)

Third, my nose acted up again. I thought to myself then, it is okay. I can always visit after lunch, since it is near the place anyways. Straight after that, I sneezed and well, my nose acted up again.

Last, Siew Yan decided to change the venue, since I was so late. I guess it is fate. Funny when I sort of give up, my nose recovers. I wonder what is the intended message? I think I do not really want to know.

Why did I suffer so for something that should be my right? Must I be deprived the only few comfort I have in life?

Unseen
Another stupid moment occurred to me on Saturday as well.

I had a short mini heart attack when I left my house and headed for the bus stop. It was the same bus stop that I alighted from last night yet only now did I notice there were 2 bus stops on the same side of the street. I certainly felt quite mind-blown at that moment. Why didn't I see the second bus stop yesterday? I guess I was just too tired huh?

Everything went quite smoothly after this with minimal obstacles given to me. Thus, I reach the destination: Mad Jack in one piece, relatively unharmed (I guess?)

At that point, I realised how long since I last met them. Wow, I just have to say this again, it had been one month.

They had all consumed their lunch, save me. I am so late that I have to eat lunch alone while the rest of them just continued to chat. I have to thank Siew Yan and Bao Lin who ordered some dessert hence avoiding a awkward situation where everyone would stare at me eating. Hahas! I felt kinda bad though, Siew Yan should be saving money but I am indirectly causing her to spend more money. :S
--
After lunch, we proceeded to go shopping! It is time for me to resume my wardrobe renewal once again! At the same, the retail therapy would help. :P

While trying out clothes at some point of time, Siew Yan have to leave. Hmm, I did not get to bid goodbye, how not courteous of me. :O

Anyways, I bought a hoodie and a blue shirt. In the end, I did not get to buy a pair of pants. Dang! Sigh.

Life is about...

Sunday, September 23, 2012
Secret War Journal[23 September 2012]

Change
I would be lying if I were to deny this. Things around us are always in flux.I am no different.

The first (official) week in my new camp has just ended. I cannot say I enjoyed my time there.

It is quite a culture shock there. The change is immense. The privileges that we took for granted come crashing on us as it is suddenly taken away from us.

On the bright side, the food there is much nicer. In terms of variety, at least. I hope it lasts. (So this is an example of how funding matters, huh?)

I hope I can adapt to the changes there.

(Did you know the Burger King that we all used to mug at in Raffles City Shopping Mall is no more? It is now replaced by KFC. Guess, it will be always in our memory, how we crazily studied there, having lots of laughter and fun discussing the questions and just chilling, sometimes. Hahas!)

Hope
What is living without hope?

Despite the harsh awakening to the changes in the environment of where I mostly sleep in now, there are still things to be happy about.

It is often through tough times that we can relate to it after the whole ideal. Perhaps we could even smile on how far we achieved from persevering.

Not to mention, my best friend, Johnston who helped me to stabilise my mentality. I think I would had gone insane (like dangerously insane, not insane in a hilarious manner) from all negative thoughts in my  head.

Meeting Qi Xiang and Meldon just to chill and unwind also helped a lot.

Shereen seems to be her normal cheerful self. Not bad! Hahas! I guess it is important to live your life to the fullest, no matter how bad the situation is. After all, we each have only just one life. Live life to our fullest and have no regrets. =)

Disappointment
Neither am I a stranger to this.

Seriously, who is not expecting conscription to be anything but disappointment anyway?
With hope, comes disappointment.

I had since decided I am not going to care. After all, I am inherently selfish (as do all humans). If they don't care, I would not too. 

Have fun, and adieu.

Irony
Yet we still hope, despite the obvious flaws it has.

Sometimes I wonder we are idiots or not.

An author once said that Friends are meant to be hurt. If you do not know this, you do not know friendship.

Most of us would be appalled by this sentence initially. But think carefully on the sentence, who can really say this is absurd? How many times had you hurt your friends? Whether intentionally or by accident?

Humans are selfish people. No matter how much people may try to deny, the fact that they have friends reveals much. Do they make friends for other's sake or their own?

My friend, I believe the answer is plain enough, I need not elaborate.

We are just hurting each other. Does that make us horrible creatures? Perhaps.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost