Secret War Journal[2014]
It had been a long year. Yet at the same time, it had been a rather short year. Contradicting, yes. Perhaps, that sentence itself describes how this year had been.
At the end of the day, the year balanced out to be somewhat average though that is only on the surface. On closer inspection, there were many negative thoughts throughout the year (yes, even now, evidently, by the theme of this year)
Another aspect which should not be discussed in great detail but mentioned just in passing for memory's sake. We must always remember that this journal has since been made public.
Sometimes I question my decision to study here. Just sometimes.After all, most of my friends are in NUS. I have few connections in NTU. Yes, it is an opportunity to expand my social network greatly but it would had been a lot easier to meet new people through a mutual friend instead. Nevertheless, I had made my decision. I shall stand firm. Of course, there is an added reason of my closest friends being there...
Some people asks if I miss being in my old home [See here for context]. Occasionally, I do. However, for the most part, I really appreciate the kindness from my best friend's family. If not for them, I really am not sure where I would be today. For that, I have no regrets. On the hand, I do feel a certain level of guilt towards them. After all, I feel that I am being a burden to them, a burden that should not had been imposed on them... For that, I regretted that I could not contribute much. Here, I wished I learned more skills during the past few years, just so that I am more useful.
"I made decisions that I regret, and I took them as learning experiences... I'm human, not perfect, like anybody else." - Queen Latifah
Of course, part of being friends means accepting their flaws. Again, as was said above, I would expect them to accept my flaws as well. If they look down on you for trivial reasons, one naturally starts to look elsewhere there is a more nurturing community.
Disappointment is to be expected. Then again, I simply made too high expectations of them. Ever my flaw. I must always remember that few humans are worthy. As we had often discussed, the new generations are truly pitiful. It is hard for them to make genuine friends because most of them are hypocrites. If you cannot raise their social status, they would not want to be your friends. "Friends" in this age has become mere tools for climbing the social ladder. I wonder what does that make of acquaintance now? Food for thought. :) I can understand that for my current age because most of us are no longer concerned about making meaningful friends but instead trying to be successful. But at primary school? Now that is just sad.
I wonder how the future would be like, if that's the case...
My mood generally this year was not exactly great as well. That is yet another disappointment. While I am proud that I had achieved many goals this year. The fact remains that it all came at a great cost. It was a year of many mistakes, much compromise, much pressure. I lived a year of stress. All the achievements and victories were hard earned. None came easy and without blood and sweat. It may sound nice at the end of the day but it was very tiring, mentally draining.
Yes, it would had brought smiles at the end of the day but much would remain unseen and therefore unappreciated. If only I had more time to hone them, more focused on my task given to me. If only...
All these are just wistful wishing. Faced with the facts, the years ahead will no doubt be tough but in no way not rewarding. I am assailed by many sides but I believe that if I play my cards right, I have a chance in coming out ahead. Ahead. Ahead of those hypocrites and imbeciles.
"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope." - Martin Luther King, Jr.
[See post here]
2014 saw 6 out of 9 of my goals completed. Not a very nice score but satisfactory nevertheless. Some of the goals I might be actually secretly glad that I did not fulfill. One example would be the goal to go overseas this year. Looking at the number of aviation disasters this year. It might not had been a bad idea to give this year's overseas plan a miss. (That said, it should be still safe to travel since they had since beefed up the safety measures.) Looking forward, some of the goals would appear in the 2015 goals again. (I apologise, the 2015 goals is behind schedule and therefore not out yet. I would try to publish it as soon as possible on New Year Day)
Hopefully, I get to see many more people smiling by the end of 2015. :)
Until then, with 2 more minutes left for 2014, I wish you all a merry new year!
It had been a long year. Yet at the same time, it had been a rather short year. Contradicting, yes. Perhaps, that sentence itself describes how this year had been.
paenitentia
Unfortunately, there were many. The very first was probably the fact that I failed on one of my main goal for the entire 2014.[1][2] I must admit that I was severely distracted by many things. It is not anyone else's fault but mine. For I had allowed my will to waver and derailed from my goals. Money that was meant for other goals were diverted to activities on impulse. That generated a great amount of unnecessary spending.Another aspect which should not be discussed in great detail but mentioned just in passing for memory's sake. We must always remember that this journal has since been made public.
Sometimes I question my decision to study here. Just sometimes.After all, most of my friends are in NUS. I have few connections in NTU. Yes, it is an opportunity to expand my social network greatly but it would had been a lot easier to meet new people through a mutual friend instead. Nevertheless, I had made my decision. I shall stand firm. Of course, there is an added reason of my closest friends being there...
Some people asks if I miss being in my old home [See here for context]. Occasionally, I do. However, for the most part, I really appreciate the kindness from my best friend's family. If not for them, I really am not sure where I would be today. For that, I have no regrets. On the hand, I do feel a certain level of guilt towards them. After all, I feel that I am being a burden to them, a burden that should not had been imposed on them... For that, I regretted that I could not contribute much. Here, I wished I learned more skills during the past few years, just so that I am more useful.
"I made decisions that I regret, and I took them as learning experiences... I'm human, not perfect, like anybody else." - Queen Latifah
destitutione
Towards the second half of the year, I began to really question the company of friends I am with. I guess it is to be expected as you grow older. You start to wonder if some of your friends are the source of your negative energy and consider going out of your comfort zone to meet people who energise you and nurture you into a better person.Of course, part of being friends means accepting their flaws. Again, as was said above, I would expect them to accept my flaws as well. If they look down on you for trivial reasons, one naturally starts to look elsewhere there is a more nurturing community.
Disappointment is to be expected. Then again, I simply made too high expectations of them. Ever my flaw. I must always remember that few humans are worthy. As we had often discussed, the new generations are truly pitiful. It is hard for them to make genuine friends because most of them are hypocrites. If you cannot raise their social status, they would not want to be your friends. "Friends" in this age has become mere tools for climbing the social ladder. I wonder what does that make of acquaintance now? Food for thought. :) I can understand that for my current age because most of us are no longer concerned about making meaningful friends but instead trying to be successful. But at primary school? Now that is just sad.
I wonder how the future would be like, if that's the case...
My mood generally this year was not exactly great as well. That is yet another disappointment. While I am proud that I had achieved many goals this year. The fact remains that it all came at a great cost. It was a year of many mistakes, much compromise, much pressure. I lived a year of stress. All the achievements and victories were hard earned. None came easy and without blood and sweat. It may sound nice at the end of the day but it was very tiring, mentally draining.
Yes, it would had brought smiles at the end of the day but much would remain unseen and therefore unappreciated. If only I had more time to hone them, more focused on my task given to me. If only...
All these are just wistful wishing. Faced with the facts, the years ahead will no doubt be tough but in no way not rewarding. I am assailed by many sides but I believe that if I play my cards right, I have a chance in coming out ahead. Ahead. Ahead of those hypocrites and imbeciles.
"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope." - Martin Luther King, Jr.
Looking ahead
For all its ups and downs, 2014 is coming to a close. Be it that we are glad or sad, 2015 is coming straight at us.[See post here]
2014 saw 6 out of 9 of my goals completed. Not a very nice score but satisfactory nevertheless. Some of the goals I might be actually secretly glad that I did not fulfill. One example would be the goal to go overseas this year. Looking at the number of aviation disasters this year. It might not had been a bad idea to give this year's overseas plan a miss. (That said, it should be still safe to travel since they had since beefed up the safety measures.) Looking forward, some of the goals would appear in the 2015 goals again. (I apologise, the 2015 goals is behind schedule and therefore not out yet. I would try to publish it as soon as possible on New Year Day)
Hopefully, I get to see many more people smiling by the end of 2015. :)
Until then, with 2 more minutes left for 2014, I wish you all a merry new year!
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