Comfort Food

Secret War Journal[16 September 2012]

Ice Cream, a great way to chill!

I just realised I crave for different kinds of food at different moods! =)

---

When I feel down, I would eat

Wheat Crackers because its bland taste reminds me how alone I am.

Strangely, that brings me comfort. (I must be a sadist)
Of course, I only crave this when I am mildly sad. Hahas!
--

Floss Bread! Always loved Chicken Floss since young! Hahas

Bread always never fail me to cheer me up. In an abstract way, it reminds me of Shana eating melon bread. It makes one forget all troubles and just feel great. ;)



--

Cheese Crackers! A great way to cheer one up!

I like the taste of the salt and cheese in the crackers. I eat this when I feel downcast from being unable to do something I set out to do. (I always was a crazy lover of salt. Hahas!)

Cajun fries! Beats French Fries any other day!

--

Try beat this! French Fries! Complete with more salt!

French fries is definitely a 'feel good' food of mine. I normally would want to eat this when I feel the world is dull. :)
--

The texture and taste is awesome!

Potato Chips - Consumed when I feel moderately stressed. Hence, you would see me devouring this when I am studying. :)
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Baked Cashew Nuts are my favourite amongst Cashew Nuts =]

Peanuts, the crunchy taste helps me to distress.

Nuts are powerful. I think they are rank #2 in helping me to cheer up (as of posting).

Though, sometimes I over-consume and end up getting a throat infection. Oops. :S
--

Chocolate, or should I say Chocolate wafers? Hahas!

This should not come as a surprise. After all, chocolate are known to make one feel happy. Thus, it is expected for this to be ranked #1 in the list. ;)

---

When I feel exhausted after working out, I would drink

Sweet drinks!

People will gun for isotonic drinks but I don't really mind as long as it is sweet. I need the sugar! Hahas!

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Of course, Chinese Cuisine, more specifically, Teochew and Fujian cuisine, never fails to brighten my day! ^^


Time for lunch! See ya! :D Oh here's a happy song for you guys! ;)

Gunnery origins

Secret War Journal[12 September 2012]
Life sure is amusing sometimes.

I am now one quarter done with my term as a conscript for the nation. With the completion of my Foundation Term last week, I had also reviewed my Wishlist for it. From the looks of it, it is actually quite disappointing. :(

Despite the fun I had during my time there, I was not able to achieve much of my personal goals. I guess a balance had to be struck, huh? To have fun, one must sacrifice achievement. Of course, in certain cases it is possible for both to co-exist but one have to admit that certain things require sacrifices.

So where am I headed to now? Having deflected a job offer to be a lone wolf, I am now a member of the group who are responsible for raining death on the battleground.

To be frank with you, I do not really have any idea what to expect from this new course. Despite the briefing I had today this morning, I left the place not knowing any more than when I enter. The main reason is due to the fact that they had not published the timetable and even if they did, they would only release two weeks' worth of it. How agonising is that?! Argh, that does make my blood boil.

(I certainly hope they realise that people cannot really buy into your ideology when you give so little information about it.)

Nevertheless, however sad the conditions the place there is right now (let's not talk about it), I am on this ship now. No point trying to sink it when it would cause my downfall too, I rather see it port safely at the end of its journey.

As aforementioned, since I do not have much information, I guess I will not come up with a list of goals for it just yet. Not until I know about it, anyways.

What I do know is that there would be more physically demanding lessons to be overcome. Goodness gracious, I wonder how I am going to survive all this...

---

On an another note, after coming out of my new camp, I met up with Keller for a quick catch-up. He just came back from overseas for his exercise and would be going for another soon. Boy, his life sure is packed!

I went to try out the Pepperlunch at Compass Point. It was definitely a new experience though I still feel a bit awkward watching them prepare the food in front of me. I cannot help but feel cheated. I mean that's it?! Man, I thought the preparation was more sophisticated. Hahas!

Gary came to join us later on. (Hmm, more like we join him later but details details... tsk tsk.) Apparently, he is in the same field as me but I could had sworn I never see him this morning. Dang, I must be dazed the whole day! (Maybe that explains why I feel as though I learnt nothing today. :O)

Lastly, guess what? I bought a Samsung Galaxy S3 travel charger. Best part? I don't own a Samsung Galaxy S3. I would bet many people would start screaming Then why the heck you bought one?! Unfortunately, their charger is the only non-usb charger for Android phones which is the only kind accepted in army installations. It costs a bomb too T.T (so this is what the allowance are for...)

On the civilian side, examinations are coming... mid-term tests, preliminary tests, A levels. It would be quite quiet on my side for a while, having no one to talk to since almost all my close friends are studying... male or female... Either they are pursuing degrees, diplomas, A levels or overseas.

Guess the next few month would be tough. Regardless, I shall survive!

---

"It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light." - Aristotle Onassis

War among myself

Secret War Journal[10 September 2012]
Hahas, I had been feeling angsty lately. So many emotions flooding in, finally after my long stasis due to army life.

What does this mean? This means it is time for me to write a post, to release these emotions. Even reading past posts of this nature helps me to unwind. Such is the power of my own writing on myself. Fragments of myself, shattered to allow me peace.

I had been being feeling rather insecure for the past 2 days, ever since I went home from dinner with my close friends. It is so bad, I feel like running away from everything.

I probably not getting brownie points from my family for not doing anything much at home. (I lost all mood to do anything, I just want to lie there...) For this moment, I hope they forgive me... just let me be because I feel as though I lost my motivation. For the common people, it is probably not life threatening.

But for a short moment, I lost the will to live.

To me, that was dangerous. My past continues to haunt me... It is like a shadow, I cannot run away from it. I guess the only way is to face it.

But I have been facing it everyday! It is plain as day to me every day!

Hope is disease.

I know that! But I need to hold on to something, something to prevent the further deteriorating of my soul.

Gods know how much I had been through...

In this world, there are probably many others like me who had been through those horrible moments. That brought little comfort to me. There is too much grief in this world.
--
What if one day, everything changed? What if, you wake up to find everything foreign? Sometimes we takes things for granted.

And I admit I do. That is why I am afraid. Would I rue the day I lose something, only to find it of value? I would certainly regret its loss. I would hate myself for allowing it to be gone. Why did I not put more effort to prevent its destruction?

Would I be able to live with that revelation?

Just how much more damage can I take before I lose it totally? All the insecurity due to the fact that I do not really know. That uncertainty breeds this feeling, because it lifts the stake. I fear failure not because I do not wish to appear weak. Rather, I fear its consequences...

---

"A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely." - Pam Brown

---

(Source: Kokoro Connect Episode 10; Credits: Randomc.net)

---

It was not my war then.

I realised that I am sort of the opposite person of who I was ten years ago. I used to be extremely impulsive, driven by my emotions. I used to be more carefree. I used to be more cheerful. As some would also say, I used to act more like a spoiled child.

Everything changed since my mother's death. The very thought makes me want to hug myself tightly because I feel so very cold. It is a reminder. A reminder that I am alone here. Ten years down the road, how many new friends had I made? Compare it to my other me.

But it is now my war.

Now, I exercise more restraint in my actions.
Now, I would rather be accused of being indecisive rather than make impulsive actions.
Now, I contain more of my thoughts within me.
Now, I find myself harder to laugh as carefree as before.

I lost much fighting this war.

Ten years since, I am still as alone as I ever was right after my mother's death.
Just how much really changed? My family is forever shattered. No amount can ever restore it to its former glory, its former warmth. Nothing I do, nothing my family do will help it piece itself together.

A mirror that had been shattered can never be placed back as one piece, like its former self. After all, what is broken can never be restored its original state. This is the same thing as trust.

I cannot back off now, not after committing so much into this war.

I used to trust freely. After that incident, I found it difficult to trust people. Some of my close friends might had realised it. It is probably the reason why I find it harder to make friends. After all, they are turned off by the fact that I do not trust them. It hurts them. In that, I am a heartless person because in the act of not wanting to get hurt, I hurt others instead...

Truly, how far had I fallen? Perhaps it is known unto God only.

Thus begins my recording of my struggles in my own war...
Thus was this Journal birthed,
From one's despair,
From one's hope,
Let this Journal live to tell the tale of a King who was slowly losing himself.

Soup Restaurant

Secret War Journal[8 September 2012]

We (Marcus, Johnston, and I) had not met up since University started. Taking full advantage of the short leave I had from my recent graduation from Foundation Term, we met up at Nex Shopping Mall to have a great dinner.
--
But before that, it is time for me to meet up with Meldon and Qi Xiang for lunch at Ajisen Ramen!

But honestly, I seem to be eating Ajisen once monthly. Heck, I just dine there with Cynthia last month?

If I knew, I would had kept the card that Ajisen Ramen kept giving me...

I just tried the White Fish ala-carte. Okay, I tried that the last time I ate at Ajisen through the recommendation of someone but hey! I ordered it this time. Ha~!

It was a lot of fun when we shared what good reads are there. It was funny when Qi Xiang got overwhelmed by two epic fantasy series: A song of Ice and Fire and the Malazan Book of the Fallen. Personally, I, too, cannot believe we spent so much time at the Library reading Foxtrot comics. Hahas!
--
Back to Soup Restaurant. :)

I am almost twenty years old and this is actually my first time trying Soup Restaurant. (Hmm, that made me sound as though I am deprived. :O)

Basically, it is a Chinese cuisine restaurant. I know a lot of Singaporean of my age generally got sick of Chinese cuisine already but I am actually the opposite. (As usual, hahas. I must be born at the wrong year)
I had been eating so many Japanese (+a bit of Thai and Korean) and Western cuisine that I actually find myself missing Chinese cuisine. I guess my heritage makes me wanting more of Chinese Cuisine. It is more likely to leave me feeling more satisfied after a meal. I am not really sure why myself, perhaps it is just ancient instincts.



Seating down, we ordered a set meant for the three of us. It includes a plate of sliced chicken with cabbage, minced meat with soy sauce, claypot tofu, vegetables and pork ribs with corn and red carrot soup. Along with these, are free flow of white chrysanthemum tea.  =)
 
Enough talk, let's eat! I have a 4 course meal + soup in front of me!!! *Readies chopsticks*

(Hahas, I was joking. I had obviously finished my meal. :P

Throughout the meal, we talked about the recent games that we had been playing and planning to play. Sims 3, Dragon Nest and D.C. Universe Online.

We went on to talk about University/Academic life thus far. I even asked Johnston for some medical advice since I suffered from some ailments since entering army, of which I had no time (or maybe just plain too lazy, hahas?) to consult a proper doctor. I had not told anyone. I guess it is appropriate that my best friend knows about it first. :) Marcus left to settle the bill then, I guess God doesn't want him to know, I accept His decision.

Marcus is now studying Psychology. I really learnt some cool stuff from him on our way home. In fact, I learnt some shocking theories. I hope I learn more of these interesting snippets of it! ^^

Sigh, how I wish I have something to share too... Everyone is learning new things...)
--
Observers (if you could be there) would realise that we all hardly talk about army life. There are many several reasons for it:

1. Things about army are generally classified, we cannot talk about it in public.
2. Not everyone goes through army and thus would feel left out. (Applies to Qi Xiang and Marcus to a certain extent; besides Johnston is now officially a civilian)
3. Army does not really warrant that much of an attention as a conversation topic. I mean really? There are more interesting things to talk about! :)

---

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." - C. S. Lewis

24 ≠ 24

Secret War Journal[5 September 2012]

I had just completed my second 24km route march! It sure completed quite late this time. I guess it was due to a lack of practice since my graduation from my basic military training 2 months ago.

So it is now around 6am in the morning the day after we started the route march. I guess it is about time for breakfast so I would only sleep after breakfast? Sigh, I cannot believe that I did not sleep for last night. Woah!

I would admit, though, that the route march was not as painful as the first attempt. This could attributed to several reasons. Firstly, we were not adversely affected by downpours which made abrasions highly likely to occur. Secondly, I am considerably more prepared for the route march, in terms of preventing injuries, than the first one. This is due to the fact that I decided to use lubricants around the joints where abrasions often occure to prevent such incidents from happening during the route march, making the experience quite unbearable near its completion.
--
However, one usual gripe I had regarding the conduct of the route march (as always) would be the fact that it is so difficult to calculate the distance that we had marched. There is suscipions that we had marched around 28km, like the previous time instead of the intended distance. Sigh...
--
P.S: I typed this in pure darkness, it was indeed quite challenging. Though it would seem that I had memorised the positions of the characters on the keyboard. :O Hahas!

---

"Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value." - Albert Einstein

Foundation Term Fin

Secret War Journal[2 September 2012]

Time passes almost twice as fast since University started for the rest of my peers who do not have to serve the army.

This coming week would be my last week of my Foundation Term, barring anything bad happening to me.

Throughout the entire Foundation term, I had experience new things, granted those are things that I would not try if I had a choice but nevertheless enriching, such as a variety of weapons and simple survival skills. I believe the most important thing to take away from the course would be the ability to be independent to most (though life in army taught me little of it, God and my parents had taught me well, to the point that army life instead cause me to be less independent...) and life skills on management of people.

Despite that, I cannot hope but feel that conscription had not helped me in anyway. Lift in army had caused me to become even lazier than before, partly due to my fatigue from army (an act I solely hate as I felt as though I wasted my time sleeping and lazing around instead of working on personal projects, improving myself or simply unwind). In addition, it made me spent more (I used to be a spendthrift...). Every month, I stress over how much I need to save and how much I fall short of from my budget. All these add on to unnecessary psychological stress. Which frustrates me, given the fact that I am so used to control. 6 months since enlistment yet I still cannot understand the need for all this. Defending the country, yes but is this necessary? I remain unconvinced. Regimentation instill discipline? Nope, it is proving to cause just the opposite to me.

Hence, while I would say I enjoyed my Foundation Term, I dare say, I learnt nothing much of importance. Life skills, yep but I learnt more from my leadership appointments during my education. Interpersonal skills? Again, there are more opportunities in school than a confined space. Managing stress, I believe the answer is obvious.

Sometimes, I really wonder, why are people emphasing that military life could you teach you so much when it cannot? Just admit it is to defend the nation, no one would blame you. Because it is the truth, do not add 'bonus' to it when it cannot realise those vision to all individuals, leaving them disappointed...

(Update on 3 Sept 2012: Today, we were asked to list down the things we learnt from the entire Term. Curious, given the time, I wonder if they read my post the day before? Hahas, unlikely though there is an remote possibility. 

So, to give this post a little better balance, I would list down some things I had learnt:

1. I learnt how teamwork really helps to accelerate the speed of getting things done, allowing people to enjoy the process, and improving the efficiency of the work.
2. Army training reinforced the fact that communications are highly important. Too many times had many of us felt frustrated due to conflicting orders.)

---

"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice." - Albert Einstein

Total Recall 2012

Secret War Journal[25 August 2012]
As humans, we all change. Some change more, some change less. Yet all change. As others progress while you are stuck in place, the feeling experienced is of sadness. The compulsion to move forward is overwhelming me, I need to take a step forward. A step towards a better future...

Review:
I understand that this 2012 film is a remake of the 1990 film. However, I did not have the fortune of watching the original film.

For this movie, I can safely label the film as an action-packed thriller. The action was indeed non-stop, a plus for movie-goers who wish for some action. Despite that, I should caution that the action is not exactly very thrilling. It felt bland, of which I am not very sure why. Perhaps, it bears resemblance to the Minority report hence making me unable to feel the adrenaline rush during the action scenes. Nevertheless, it is certainly nice to watch constant action while at the same time explaining the plot.

This movie also reminds me of closed-room mystery games where the main character forgot who he was.

The ending could had been better crafted, in my opinion. The ending presented left much to desired, as though an important component of the plot was unexplained.

---

As many would had guessed, it had been a long time since I last watched movie. For this particular outing, Jie Sheng was the one who planned it. Along with him are Bao Lin, Cynthia and Siew Yan.

Except for the guys, they are all studying in University now. Time sure pass very pass, huh?

Today was also the day I ate 90% of the sweet popcorns of the Jumpo-sized box, no thanks to Jie Sheng was got sick of the sweet popcorns all of sudden and switched to potato chips, leaving me alone to clear the remaining popcorns! Hahas! I think I have enough popcorns for the entire year already, sorry popcorn makers! :P

One hilarious event that happened today was also how Cynthia, who brought $50 to help us buy movie tickets and popcorns, went home with $51. One of the rare moments when one actually made money by a wide margin when helping people buy stuff. XD
--
After the movie, we had a chat at the rooftop. I am not sure about the rest but the scene there gave me release.

Spending so much time away from civilian life, I am finally able to do something I sort of wanted. Maybe one day, I would get to chat with close friends on a roof, on a hill, overlooking vast plains. For now, overlooking short buildings will do. Strangely enough, it gave me a sort of peace that I so rarely receive.

Tempted as I was to shout out loud then, I knew it was the right place to do it. One day, I should visit the hills to shout my lungs out. Perhaps then...
--
Before heading home, we met up with Cynthia's sister, Sharon, who was having desserts in the shopping mall too.

Then I am home, a foreign thing nowadays...

---

"For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?' And whenever the answer has been 'No' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something." - Steve Jobs

Wandering in the Wild

Secret War Journal[13 - 17 August 2012]

Phew, I am back from yet another field camp!

From the field camps, I am very sure that I am not a person suited for extreme outdoor activities. After every field camp, I always emerge out of it feeling as though some of part of me died in there. The feeling is definitely not good, in my opinion.

Yet, from the horrible exercise, I travelled in the forest. Armed with a map and a compass, I navigated in the forest and managed to not get lost in there. Of which, I am glad. Hahas. Navigating in the wilds is much different from our simple navigation in urban areas, say mainland Singapore. The severe lack of prominent landmarks in the vicinity really makes navigation tough as it takes a lot more effort to find out where you are if you ever find out you took a wrong turn.

I also learnt other military drills there but that is not for you to know. ;)
--
Nevertheless, I am glad that my section mates were around during the field camp to help me survive through it. Yes, we were all tired and could not wait to leave the place but we still persevered and help each other out. In such tough times, I think it stand for something.
--
With the closure of this exercise, perhaps the most challenging activity in the Foundation Term of my cadet life has passed. However, there are still a few high-risk activities remaining. Until I clear them, I cannot declare that I have survived the Foundation Term. :O
--
"A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others." - Ayn Rand

Brave Blade: Crossing Field, Paradigm

Secret War Journal[19 August 2012]
Before I start on this post, let me wish every muslim selamat Hari Raya Puasa! :)

I always feel that it takes great strength to fast for an entire month. :O

---

Back to the post, I am sorry I am posting quite a number of songs here instead of archiving my memories. I really need more time to pen them all down though I would still continue to try despite my lack of time. (I am sacrificing my sleep time for this because these posts are important to me. :)

First up, a song by LiSA, Crossing Field!



My cowardly past that I admitted
Not knowing what's going on, my frightened
past self reflects the reality now

The many skies that are painted here surely
will disturb this ephemeral heart

In my dream I soared
No matter the anxieties my body bears, I'll shake them off
The small sleeping feelings I'll stretch them out
I realized I'm weak and that if you being there

will give me strength in this dark world
This heart that's seeing a long dream, yeah, will last forever

(I wanna always be with you
I'll give you everything I have)

I was looking for the guiding light
If I could touch it, I would remember everything
I'll take the irreplaceable and precious present time

Closing your eyes to the world you know
Is always warm yet painful

Indeed the connecting wishes overlap
The visible hesitation began to move
I want to protect you. The wounds you bear
drifted into a deep sleep

The promise was kept unchanged
Bonds are yeah, what two people clearly believe in

Until my voice reaches you, I'll keep calling your name
I want to feel more the miracle I encountered

In my dream I soared
No matter the anxieties my body bears, I'll shake them off
The small sleeping feelings I'll stretch them out
I realized I'm weak and that if you being there

will give me strength in this dark world
This heart that's seeing a long dream, yeah, will last forever

(I wanna always stay with you
I wanna hold you tight right now
I swear I will walk with you
I'll give you everything I have)

---

Next up, a song about blades.

---

Your fall, my fall

Secret War Journal[5 August 2012]
Times like this, I wonder. Would I catch another person's fall?

In that same manner, would someone catch me if I fall?

The path ahead is bright but it takes a leap of faith to move on.

We all tend to cuddle up at a spot, content with the current status quo. Afraid of change, afraid of the uncertain future.

Sometimes, by standing up and walking ahead bravely, there might be a bright future ahead of us.

Yet, we cannot deny that it is much easier when there is someone accompanying us. Being there for us to walk forward the path together.

I want to be there for you, just as you would for me.

---

Sadly, I know it is not possible now. I would find you...

---

"All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name." - Andre Breton

Smile

Secret War Journal[4 August 2012]
Found this song from my buddy in the army who was playing this song. :)
Enjoy!

Requiem

Secret War Journal[4 August 2012]
I wonder
Will you one day be able to tell me?
Hopefully, with a gentle voice
My soul is a sparkling star
Of drowning tears

A future of nothing bad sadness that finally comes
I through it, forever

I wonder,
Will I ever be able to let go of that hand?
Hopefully with a gentle smile
My soul trembles and shines
My soul is a sparkling star
Of spilling tears

Let's this moment
That puts me by your side, go on
With the twilight sky as well
With the gray night sky as well
The days I'm with you
Are engraved in my heart

SCS Foundation Term Wishlist

Secret War Journal[July - September 2012]

1. Survive
2. Obtain Silver for IPPT
3. Stay Cheerful
4. Get into a enjoyable vocation

---

"A man always has two reasons for doing anything: a good reason and the real reason." - J. P. Morgan

BMT POP!

Secret War Journal[8 July 2012]
Passing Out Parade (POP)
After a week of non-stop of rehearsal at Palau Tekong, we had finally reached the final stage for our performance.

First, we marched in with our armour and field pack. Sweaty we were from the long march, tired we were from the long journey, we marched in proudly. For today was the day we were no longer recruits. We were going to pass out to be a private in the army!

Due to the poor design of the uniform, many of us had injuries at the thighs. As a result, we had great difficulty marching straight forward. Despite that, we pressed on and put on a good show for everyone.

Marching in, we saluted the Chief of Army and the reviewing officer. After that, we stood to attention while the prize ceremony proceeded. After that, we marched off to return our weapons.

Returning to the parade square, we said our pledge, sang the National Anthem and finally performed the BMTC Roar.

---

My thoughts:

Finally! The moment had finally arrived!

After 4 months of training to be a soldier and marching a quarter of the borders of Singapore (24 KM), I am finally no longer a Recruit in the Singapore Armed Forces! :D

It was a long journey, I would say. One that certainly felt very long. Despite the physical trainings and months of regimentations, I cannot confidently say I am adapted to military life. This is partly due to my attachments to my civilian life.

Of course, I would not had been able to survive through the months of being a Recruit in the army without support from my friends. This includes my best friend, Johnston and Marcus. :)

I certainly cannot imagine life without your moral support and listening to my ranting when I am disgruntled with military procedures. :p

Not to mention other close friends like Cynthia, Keller, Jie Sheng, Meldon, Qi Xiang, Siew Yan, Wei Ting, (... the list goes on ;) and friends like Trevor, Lai Yin, Pei Shi who made effort to stay in touch despite less opportunities to do so since our graduation from junior college and for some who were currently in school.

Special mentions goes to Johnston, Marcus and Keller as usual who makes effort to stay in contact. I believe that is what keeps our friendship so strong after so many years. =)
Being a lazy person, sometimes I feel that I did not put in that much effort in keeping in touch with people. Thus, I really appreciate you guys who periodically organise meet-ups. :)
Adding to the list would be Cynthia. Thank you also for making efforts to stay in touch. Friends for ever! :D
--
After taking photos, we had lunch at Suntec City before I was herded by home by Marcus who proclaimed that I needed the rest after spending around 10 hours awake since last night. As a result, the rest of the boys went out to play while Wei Ting, Cynthia and I headed back home via cab. :O

[Update: I really slept like a pig, I woke up at 7pm, only to sleep again after dinner. Heehee!]

---

---

As a whole, I was actually quite amazed I went out with friends every time I booked out from camp. Sadly, that trend is unlikely to continue when I enter a new phase of army life as school is re-opening soon... not everyone would be as free as they were before.

Looking at the pictures taken during my time when I booked out, I had gone through a lot of fun. I would keep those fun memories. To tell the truth, I felt a bad sad as I looked through the pictures because I am uncertain of the future. I am uncertain when would be the next time I can meet up with everyone and have fun and chill again.

---

My vocation posting results would be out this coming Friday. I am hoping for the best, wish me luck! :S

---

"If it's natural to kill, how come men have to go into training to learn how?" - Joan Baez

En route March 24km!

Secret War Journal[6 July 2012]
In less than 24 hours' time, I would be joining my army mates for a historic 24km march along the coast of Singapore as a lead-in to our graduation parade!

I do not have much time left before preparing for route march. I apologise for the lack of post since my last post. I am still in the process of typing them. (I have a whole lot of drafts in my account right now. O.o)

Hopefully, when I return from my graduation parade, I would have more time to record down the events that since occurred for the past 4 months (technically I do but I need to have the mood to blog too, you know how computer can be distracting. XD)

Next destination: Marina Bay Floating Platform!

Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol

Secret War Journal[30 June 2012]

I know this is a bit late but I sorta missed the opportunity to watch this in a cinema.

Thus, today, we are gathered to watch this movie at Bao Lin's house. With us today are Bao Lin, Cynthia, Jie Sheng, Siew Yan and Wei Ting. :)

Though conflicting recounts may result, I believe I am finally arriving on time once again for outings. XD
This is actually harder than it sounds, given that I have to commit a large amount of time to wash army clothes and equipments. Often enough, I had to leave the house later than planned due to me being preoccupied with washing.

Therefore, I am happy to say that I can be on time for the outing.
However, some (cynthia, for one) would disagree since I reached there on time BUT had not had lunch despite telling the rest to have lunch before arriving. Hence, I ended up eating while the rest chatted. XD
--
My views on the movie:

• Definitely action-packed!
• Comic relief was of quality
• I think the difference between the background music and the voice of the characters were a bit too great, the former too loud whilst the latter too soft. Just technical though.
• The plot was not bad but I cannot help but notice that they omitted certain gadgets / methods of completing the mission to develop the story as the writers intended.
• I like the cast for the movie. Awesome!
• One reason I like these kind of movie is the cool gadgets they get to use. Hey, I am a sucker for such "superagent" stuff. :D
• The introduction of the movie was way too long, but it pulled off.
• The ending on the whole hand was kind of disappointing though...

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FRIES! FRENCH FRIES!

On an unrelated note, Bao Lin's sister bought a great amount of fries for a hugely discounted price at Gmarket! Today, we had the opportunity to savour some of the food she bought. :)

They taste like potato chps.

Personally, I like the spicy flavour ones more but that could be just me. ;)

However, I would dare say that people who do not like salty food would not appreciate these food. :O

I am unbreakable

Secret War Journal[10 June 2012]


Where are the people that accused me?
The ones who beat me down and bruised me
They hide just out of sight, can't face me in the light
They'll return but I'll be stronger

God I want to dream again, take me where I've never been
I wanna go there, this time I'm not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable
No one can touch me, nothing can stop me

Sometimes it's hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can't see to reach my destiny?
I want to take control but I know better

God I want to dream again, take me where I've never been
I wanna go there, this time I'm not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable
No one can touch me, nothing can stop me

Forget the fear it's just a crutch
That tries to hold you back
And turn your dreams to dust
All you need to do is just trust

God I want to dream again, take me where I've never been
I wanna go there, this time I'm not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable
No one can touch me, nothing can stop me

God I want to dream again, take me where I've never been
I wanna go there, this time I'm not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable
No one can touch me, nothing can stop me

BMT Field Camp

Secret War Journal[6 June 2012]
So I had not been posting anything constructive about my life recently. Well, my inactivity in my journal can be partly due to my participation in a field camp as part of my involuntary military training.

I am glad to say I had since survived and returned from the forest. :)

Due to the nature of my current occupation, I cannot exactly inform you what events/training had transpired during my stay in the forest, away from urban environments.

I would, however, say that the hygiene level during the field camp was as bad as I had imagined, if not worse.

• My fingernails had this strange color of green on it, probably due to the army-issued creams.
• I don't remember the last time I properly washed my hands in there...
• I had to sleep with my boots on. Then again, I probably wore my boots throughout the field camp, with only a few minutes to air my foot a day. I remembered being so worried that I would suffer from foot rot.
• I learnt that wearing the same clothes for three days of sweating is not a wise move. During the field camp, it was the first time I smelled a new smell... from my uniform. It was definitely not pleasant in any way.
• Subsequently, my personal stuff started to smell like that too. In short, it was a horrible experience.
• Until now, I do not really know what is that smell. Perhaps it was simply layers of dried sweat. Some peers noted that it smells like urine (not on my uniform, thank god).
• I learnt the importance of lights, even natural lighting. It was quite difficult enough to see anything with the dimmed lights, it was easier with the natural moonlight. Sadly, it was really painful (for the eyes) when people keep shining brights lights onto people's eyes directly. Quite frustrating, really.
• Lastly, my hair. Oh god, I was not able to wash my hair during the my time in the forest. After the field camp, my hair kept feeling itchy, giving me the feeling that my hair is rotting. (I mean, I never felt itch on my hair for a long, long time...)

The good thing is that I had since shaved my head. Hopefully, it is no longer itchy (it still feels a bit itchy, might had become a habit. Oh no! I hope I stop scratching!!!)

---

---

"Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few." - Winston Churchill

Humanity

Secret War Journal[4 June 2012]
It is not that I am incapable of love,
who are you to judge me?

Do you know the pain I carry?
Do you know the sorrow within this husk?
What do you know of burden?

Of course I will miss people.
I am not without feelings.
I am human too.

Had you ever wanted to see that person but unable to?
That's how I feel.

Had you ever wished to feel their warm touch but unable to?
That's how I feel.

Have you ever desired to hear their voice but unable to?
That's how I feel.

I had and will continue to carry my pain but I never expected anyone else to share this sorrow with me.

You, who had not experienced the cold harsh world, have no right to judge me.

Your fate is not as tragic as mine, instead, embrace your own.

All I ask is that you appreciate your beautiful life,
because life is fragile.

---

---

It is a cold world out there,
but that does not mean we cannot feel warmth.

For only when it gets cold, do we feel and appreciate its warmth.

---

"Everyone chases after happiness, not noticing that happiness is right at their heels." - Bertolt Brecht

DOTA 2 / Cold stone creamery

Secret War Journal[2 June 2012]
It has been a long time since I last posted huh?

I just realised I forgot to post about DOTA 2. Oops? :P

Yep, so I recently started to play DOTA 2

Today was actually my second time playing this game and we tried out the AI for the game. :)

Initial thoughts:
There was indeed many graphical improvements, as they say. The models now look more polished. However, some heroes look significantly different from their original appearance, some better, some look weird now.

Mechanics wise, they are largely similar to its predecessor. They are some changes to the way damage are calculated and how attack modifiers work.

Gameplay had been slightly modified too. I would say the gaming experience is now much more enjoyable and dynamic. Buying items and recipe in DOTA 2 is a breeze while it is now easier to conduct team battles and organise ambushes.

---

After the gaming session, the whole lot of us (Johnston, Keller, Qi Xiang and I) headed to Somerset for some ice cream!

 I had Chocolate devotion which was awesome!

Though qi xiang commented that the taste was too strong, (he had strawberry), I like chocolate so it really nice to me! :)

---

"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time." - Steven Wright

Holding on

Secret War Journal[12 May 2012]
Sometimes, I wonder how long can I last before I lose myself.

Close friends, I know I have the tendency to bottle things up. I owe you all an apology but some things are best left unsaid.

Some burden is best left shouldered alone.

In the past, I used to have time to cool off some bit because I get to get out and unwind.
Now, been in army during weekdays is taking a toll on me. Home, is well being home, as usual.
I wonder how long can I last.

I am trying to be myself.

I know that some of you are afraid of seeing me angry.
I am trying too,
trying to not show that side of me.
It is a darkness that is hard to return from once fully immersed.

The price for sanity.

I must admit,
occasionally, the other does appear but only once last year.
It will, it cannot, surface fully, especially for this period of time,
else all these years of anger management would had been for naught.

There is no return,

Maybe some day I would confide,
maybe some day I would just collapse,
maybe some day I would let go,
but I would wait for the day,
you unbind me,
from the chains of fate.

in the Path of Destruction.

---

"Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him." - Louis L'Amour

---

Avengers

Secret War Journal[5 May 2012]
I should had written this earlier but it had been one hectic week for me in army. As of writing, it is now 11 May and I am not sure when I can finish writing this post.

---

Loki is back

Perhaps one of the most anticipated movie of the year, many other past Marvel movie had been aired for the set-up for this movie.


On the whole, I felt that the movie was nice. Although there were times I was a little puzzled how certain events happen, it still can make some sense in a way.

The story development was undoubtedly decent, probably due to the fact that it was adapted from the comics. (Not that I do not wish to give the scriptwriters credit but hey, that's the truth. :O) The CGI in the movie was also not bad though there were some scenes where the background were obviously artificially. (which was unfortunate as it did not take a trained eye to notice that.)

Personally, the key highlight of the movie to me was not the superheroes, the story plot, the action, nor its graphics. It was the comic relief and its effectiveness. Due to its origin from comics, it is not uncommon to have comic relief throughout the movie, even at inappropriate scenes. Nevertheless, I would say that it was very effective at those sense.

As usual, Marvel comics movies always end with a teaser for their next movie.

Avengers 2, anyone? =)

Battleship

Secret War Journal[30 April 2012]
Care for a game of Battleship?

 

It has been a long time since I last played that board game. Hahas, certain readers would notice that it has been a long time since I last did anything (which is actually true, as hard as it is to believe. Look, so I had concentrated a tad too heavily on studies for a moment of time...). I certainly do not mind having a challenger once in a while for fun's sake.

Okay, so I know that the movie has been out for some time and I am really lagging behind for watching this late. But hey, at least I watched it! (Best excuse ever, in my opinion :)

Speed-track to Little India. Is there a cinema there? At least not one that I am aware of. So why were we there? Because Cynthia said so. :O Joking. We wanted to walk from Little India to Bugis Junction. Cynthia had walked before so the chances of us being lost should be relatively low. (Not to mention her superb sense of direction, compared to Bao Lin and me). According to the map (look I am better friends with maps XD), it should be a pretty clear-cut route with us heading roughly 20 degrees from the south, towards the east from Little India, a little past Rocher Centre to reach Bugis Junction. And so we headed out from the subway station, immediately sighting the Rocher Centre. Unfortunately, while we moved towards it, we met blockades in the form of construction sites. As a result, it was no longer a straight forward route as we make our way around these blockades.

We turned left and right, almost effectively walking in circles. Well, I would say it was a fun trip. Eventually, we walked a semi-circle from Little India to Bugis. Along the way, we discussed on our lunch and we decided on a Japanese Restaurant named Kazokutei which specialises in Udon.

 The reason we decided on Kazokutei was due to the Nabeyaki Udon + Katsu don set which is suitable for one or two persons.

Nabeyaki Udon + Katsu Don Set

After spending some time under the gentle sun (I think the days spent in army has lowered my tolerance for hot weather, ironically.) from the walk to Bugis Junction, I think Bao Lin was tired from the walk. Myself, I am not exactly sure if I was tired. I know that before being conscripted into army, such a walk is nothing but now... I am not so sure anymore. At least after my 3 day rest due to medical leave, my appetite has improved. As a result, Bao Lin and Cynthia shared a Nabeyaki Udon + Katsu Don set while I took on one myself. Bao Lin took that Katsu Don plus the mango soda she ordered while Cynthia had the remaining Udon.

---

Bugis Street, and the quest for a pair of glass shoes

After lunch, it is time for some shopping! I guess every one of us present has something in mind to buy. (Okay, maybe not for Bao Lin)

We spent a good hour and more in Bugis Street before Jie Sheng arrived. We then resumed our shopping in Bugis Junction. Unfortunately, lady luck was not shining on Cynthia, she did not succeed in getting a pair of shoes to her liking. I guess she just has to continue her quest another day. :O

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Battleship the Movie

Siew Yan joined us for the movie!

My views on the movie? The introduction was really rushed. I cannot help but feel that the prologue was just there as a tool for some foreshadowing. Personally, it could be better weaved in the movie seamlessly without feeling disjointed.
The soccer scene before the actual start of the plot was all right for its character development. I believe where the movie really shines would be its climax, which is a very good thing. It makes the movie worth watching. The action was non-stop yet does lead one to feel nausea. Basically, the pace of the action during the climax was just right.
The use of comic relief from the scientist was well-used and appreciated. The character development during the climax felt a little bit rushed but still acceptable, I guess?
However, to my dismay, the ending was rushed very abruptly. I felt that it was uncalled for though the final scene of suspense was good, though critics would call that scene cliche.
Overall, I would give it a 3 out of 5 stars. :)

After the movie, we headed home, tired as we were.

---

Now, if you would excuse me, I need to plan an outing to watch Avengers. gah! XD

Tekong Cough

Secret War Journal[25 April 2012]
The notorious Tekong cough that perhaps most guys in Singapore suffer from at least once when they undergo the rite of passage to adulthood. There many possible causes though no one is really certain of the source of this condition.
Some say it could be due to:

• Sudden drop in quality of water?
• Drinking from dubious sources of water?
• Unclean food?
• Exposure to polluted air?
• Poor hygiene practices?
• Bio attack?

Who really knows?
--
Normally, it should not be threatening to one's life but sometimes it could develop into something worse.
Which brings us into the reason why I was not able to blog recently, my cought started to cause my chest to hurt. At times, I feel feverish and weak. As a result, I spent most of my free time resting instead of blogging.
I would say that my immune system is not exactly strong, I had always been lacking in physical fitness so I have no one to blame but myself... Or is it? I have someone in mind to blame but let's no speculate.
I had since seen a doctor and was given a 3-day medical leave. I really hope I can recover in such a short time as the cough had persisted for around three weeks and counting. :S

Wish me well! See ya!

---

"If it's natural to kill, how come men have to go into training to learn how?" - Joan Baez

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SMU SIS Interview 2012

Secret War Journal[14 April 2012]

Wohoo! I just had my interview at Singapore Management University (SMU) for the School of Information Systems! As I am now spending most of time in army, I only had weekends to go for interviews.
For SMU, they contact shortlisted applicants via mobile. That is in theory great since the applicant is contacted quickly and it is highly efficient. Unfortunately for me, I am in army. Thus, I was only able to contact them a few working days later as most of the time, I only could use mobile phones at night, which is way past office hours.

Against all odds, I managed to get a slot today, 3pm for the interview. To be honest, I do not know what to expect, there was surprisingly few materials to research on via the Internet on how to prepare for this particular interview. Nevertheless, I was able to get some glimpse how the interview would be conducted but no confirmation.

As a result, I felt as though I just went for an interview blind. So much for going into interviews prepared, hahas!

---

Phase 1: Pre-Interview

Part 0: Waiting Room
We were brought to the lift lobby which also served as a waiting room of sorts. Here, there are posters pasted on the walls of the nearby offices. The directions given were to read the posters. The posters generally provide information which you can also find on the University's website but I guess it would be very useful for applicants who did not have the time to read up either because they are really busy in army or work. However, one should note that not all the information from the website were reflected on the posters. So I would recommend that applicants should 'do their homework' before the interview.
--
Part 1: Your Personality
After all the interviewees for this sessions has gathered (For my session, we have 6 people), we were brought to a classroom.
First, we were tasked to complete a short personality test/survey for the interviewers to have a roughly idea on your character.
--
Part 2: Critical Information
Next, we were asked to write a mini-essay of sorts about ourselves. My advice would be to perhaps write fast because I actually ran out of time to write finish the questions on that piece of paper. Hahas!
--
Part 3: Case Study Question
This question is, in my opinion, really relevant to the course so while it was the prelude to one of the most challenging component of the interview, it was really an eye-opener for me. You should have around 10-15 minutes and you are given a piece of A4 paper to write down your solutions.
I do not think you can prepare for this interview beforehand. Fret not, there would be help and sample questions and solutions to give you a better insight on how to approach the question. ;)
--
Part 4: Verification
Probably the easiest part of the interview. Here, you would pass your supporting documents, both the real and the photocopied for verification. After a short period of time, they would return you the copies for your keeping. This should be conducted during Part 1-3 concurrently.

---

Phase 2: The Interview

Now for the actual interview. We are moved into another room where the interviewers await us.

Part 5: Presentation of Case Study Question
In this component of the interview, you are tasked to present your solutions for the case study question you did to the whole group and the interviewers, detailing your thought process.
During the presentation, you should expect questions to be asked from the interviewers for them to understand your solutions better. Thus, just stay calm and present your solutions! :)

I believe this is what most people would say the most challenging component of the interview, expect insightful and difficult questions to be asked. ;)
--
Part 6: Estimation Question + Presentation
This is more of a logic question. Try to make sound assumptions. If you would really like to prepare for this component, you could try to know as much general knowledge as possible. In addition, it may be also a good idea to know more about SMU and general knowledge on SMU. You should have around 4 minutes to attempt the question.
--
Part 7: Q & A
Shoot away your queries regarding the course you are gunning for! Word of caution though, please do not ask questions which could be answered on their website. ;)

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Estimated duration: 2.5 to 3 hours

Bottom-line: Be at ease! Be comfortable with presenting to groups of people and be confident. Try not to flinch when difficult questions are asked. Take a moment and answer the question to the best of your ability. :)

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Great news! I am offered a place on SMU School of Information Systems (SIS) since the interview! Guess, I did pretty decent. O.o

Sadly, I was not granted the double degree programme by SMU. Pity.

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"An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you know and what you don't." - Anatole France

Scorpion's the Name

Secret War Journal[April 2012]

1. Shaun - God is gracious
2. Gaius - Happy (Latin)
3. Bradley - Broad Meadow (Old English)
4. Jeremy - God will raise up; God will set free (Hebrew)
5. Benjamin - son of the right hand; son of the south; son of my old age (Hebrew)
6. Kevin - handsome beloved (Irish and Gaelic origin)